sundog

2010-05-13T15:18:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday was Mother’s Day and my adult children surprised me by coming over, bringing me cards and gifts, going to church with us and spending the day eating, talking and laughing together. It was wonderful. Travis, Ashley, Westin, Jessica, Alexandria, Tyler, Holly, Cheyenne and Noah were all here. As we sat around the table, we had so many conversations I can’t remember them all, but one came back to me this morning. I don’t have any idea how we got on the subject, but Ashley was talking about a habit Travis has developed. He never takes his socks off. She said he wears them all the time! He wears them everywhere! This is pretty strange if you know how this child grew up... barefoot and practically naked on the sidewalks and beaches of Florida.

Most of you who know us well, know that we are a family who laughs pretty well at ourselves, and even better at each other. We live in a tough world and believe it is very important to take it well when you are made fun of, and we’ve done a thorough job of preparing our children for it. I made a joke about how, by wearing those socks, Travis was just trying to hide his ‘hammer toes’ from Ashley. Of course, being well trained, he denied it and talked proudly about his hammer toes. As we were all laughing, another funny thing occurred to me and I said ‘You just spent too many years with those socks as your best friends!’ I don’t remember his response, but something hit me this morning.

I’m pretty sure Travis developed this habit of keeping his socks on during the years he spent in prison. I can only imagine how important the little daily routines and few comforts that you are allowed become to you. Travis has told me he used to brush his teeth a half dozen times a day. When he came home, our toothpaste tube verified the fact. Clean socks to keep your feet warm in a place that was very cold, must have been a great comfort, and I bet he put them on and kept them on every moment he was in that frigid cell. I’m pretty sure they became very dear to him and he naturally continues the habit even now that he’s out and it’s a lot warmer. They are like his best friends.

Now socks are one thing that can become so comfortable we don’t want to live without them, but what about other ‘best friends’ that aren’t so harmless? How comfortable am I with selfishness or pride? How about anger or self pity. Laziness or busy-ness? How many of these things are like ‘best friends’ to me? Have I become so comfortable with them that I really don’t want to live without them even though they aren’t so good for me? I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure my ‘best friends’ need to be reevaluated all the time. I need to check on them and see if it’s time to let some of them go.

Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

2010-04-30T10:15:00.000-07:00

Not good enough. How’s that make you feel? I can tell you. It makes me feel like CRAP... useless and worthless (and before judging me for using that word... look it up... it’s in the Bible... DUNG... same difference). There’s a myth going around... it’s all over the place. People set up standards that they believe others should meet... people set up conditions in their own minds... and it’s ALL untrue. I’m not good enough... you’re not good enough... do this, do that and then you’ll be ready. I think I’ll start going to church AFTER I stop ____________ (fill in the blank). You can serve the Lord when you ______________ (fill in the blank). Requirements. Stipulations. LIES.

It’s time we put a STOP to it.

If you want to know the Truth... God doesn’t operate like that. Let’s take a look at the history:

Noah: passed out drunk and naked... God calls him a righteous man.

Abraham: speech impediment, fearful, cowardly... God calls him a man of faith.

David: adulterer, murderer, lazy, greedy... God calls him a man after his own heart.

We as humans, love to focus on our weakness and failings... God doesn’t do that. He doesn’t use our faults to beat us down... make us feel bad... or disqualify us. He definitely wants us to be aware of, and sorry for our mistakes... to come to him, confess, be forgiven and sin no more... but in the process, he loves, forgives, encourages, and hopes for us.

Here are more examples as we move to the New Testament in Jesus day:

Judas: knowing that Judas would betray him Jesus kept him in his inner circle and continued to love, encourage and trust him (Judas was the treasurer - guy who handles the money) even when he KNEW it was to no avail.

Peter: a headstrong and impetuous man who boasted of his bravery, but when the time came, his courage failed him... yet Jesus always loved him and restored him when he needed it, and he went on to be a big part of building the Church.

Paul: Christian hater, instrumental in the deaths of many who loved Jesus... but Jesus met him where he was and in the end Paul wrote most of the New Testament.

These are only a few examples of the kind of people God loves and accepts. It’s that love and acceptance that spurred these people on to become the greatness God had planned for them all along.

If anyone (including yourself) tries to tell you that you are not ‘good enough’ remember... Jesus loves us just as we are and he will make us into who he wants us to be as we come closer to him through that love... and don’t you forget it! Let no one disqualify you.

Colossians 2:8 See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.

Colossians 2:18 Do not let anyone who delights in false humility and the worship of angels disqualify you for the prize. Such a person goes into great detail about what he has seen, and his unspiritual mind puffs him up with idle notions. 19 He has lost connection with the Head (Jesus), from whom the whole body, supported and held together by its ligaments and sinews, grows as God causes it to grow.

And the hogs didn’t eat her...

2010-04-02T01:27:00.000-07:00

My grandparent were farmers. They lived way out in the country on a gravel road. The county used to come and oil the road every now and then to keep the dust down. They had a huge barn, a silo and another hog barn down the road with a pond next to it. For a long time they were dairy farmers, but eventually changed to growing corn, beans and pigs. Some of my best memories of my childhood are of the time I got to spend with them on that farm.

When I was very young, probably around four years old, I remember being out on the swing set one day. My little sister (almost two years younger) was with me. We were both on swings facing opposite directions. I was facing the fields and she was facing the house. We were having a grand old time, swinging away, when all of a sudden, I SAW THEM. The hogs were loose. These were not your cute little pink piggies of story book fame. These pigs were big and mean. Some of them had huge teeth that looked like tusks. They were all different colors: black, gray with black spots or reddish brown. They were very ugly and very frightening.

I had seen my Grandpa working with these hogs... trying to get them to do what he needed them to when he had to load them or doctor them or whatever else you do to pigs. It was usually a very violent process. He would yell and wave his arms and poke them or beat on them with a stick. Sometimes he would climb up on the fence and put his feet on their backs or backsides to shove them along. He called them by name... Tom, Dick and Harry are a few I remember. He did not use these names affectionately like ‘Here Tom... here piggy piggy piggy’... no, not like that at all. I don’t think those were given names, but just what he called any random pig at any given time as he ‘hollered’ at them. I also remember hearing that Grandpa had been hurt by them. I was afraid of them and when I saw them coming toward my sister and me, I froze.

I didn’t say a word to her. She was swinging away, oblivious to the danger that was headed toward us. I am ashamed to say... I left her there. I can’t remember why... I don’t even recall any of the thoughts going through my head. Maybe I was afraid that if I said anything they would come charging at me. Maybe some mean part of me wanted to leave her there. Maybe I was stupid and thought it was funny. Who knows? But I do remember that I quietly left the swing set and went into the house.

I think I told my grandmother that the hogs were out and I’m really thankful that she went outside and got my sister, and the hogs didn’t eat her, but none of it is really clear. The only part I remember very clearly is quietly sneaking away and leaving my sister behind. I hope when she reads this story she’ll be able to forgive me. I realize now, how much danger I left my little sister in. Maybe that’s why I remember it so well. My own fear or selfishness or stupidity or youth rendered me incapable of protecting someone I care about very much

What would I do today? I hope I would react differently than I did as a toddler. I’d like to think that in any given situation, I would be able to put another’s welfare ahead of my own... but we can never really be sure until something like that happens to us. Usually, I am not put to much of a test in this area. So far, I haven’t had to rescue anyone from a really dangerous situation... no running into a burning building to save someone... no stepping in front of a bullet... and I’ve yet to have a loved one who needed me to donate a vital body part. Whew! What would I do if it came to any of these things... or something even more serious? What if it required my life? What if it was going to be horrific... humiliating... excruciatingly painful? And what if I knew all this beforehand? Would I be able to walk that road? These are questions that can’t really be answered by speculation... only living through them could give us the true answers.

I know someone who can say ‘Yes’... he would do it... because he already did. For you... for me. Thank you Jesus.

Isaiah 53:5

But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.

Throwing Rocks

2010-03-28T14:24:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, we used to do some really dumb stuff. I remember living in an apartment complex when I was very young. There was no grass or yard of any kind... only concrete, a laundry room, and these big open stair wells that went to the upper floors of the complex. We used to run around this ‘playground’ and, not knowing any different, we made the best of it. I always had bruised shins and scraped knees... those concrete steps and sidewalks were really hard on a kid. I can remember playing with stuff like dryer lint (yes, dryer lint) that we collected from the laundry room and geckos... those little squishy looking lizards whose tails fall off with the slightest touch (no worries... they grow back).

Being kids, we were always looking for something more exciting to do. We ran around playing cops and robbers and one day we got the bright idea to have a ‘war’. We stationed ourselves under the two stairwells. Our weapons were the never ending supply of rocks on the ground at the base of the stairwells. We’d stick out heads out and wing a rock as hard as we could at our opponents, ducking back in as quickly as possible so we wouldn’t get hit by the flying rocks. This all went on for quite a while until some unlucky soul stuck their head out at the wrong moment and was blasted right above the eye by one of those rocks.

The fun was over. There was blood, swelling, pain and tears. The game no longer held the same fascination after we saw what could happen and we never played it again.

I was reminded of this story this morning at church, of all places. We watched a video ‘Are You Amazed’ and in it were many accounts of the life of Christ in which people were amazed. One of them was a story depicted in John chapter 8 where Jesus was teaching in the temple when the religious leaders brought in a woman who was caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group (what other motive than humiliation?) and said to Jesus, ‘Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery.’ (No mention of the man, of course.) ‘In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?’

This is one of my favorite pictures of the grace of God. I can just see Jesus as he bent down and started to write on the ground (it doesn’t say what he was writing, but some have speculated maybe a list of sins). The religious guys kept questioning him so he stands up and says simply ‘If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.’ and he bent down and continued to write on the ground. Those who heard began to go away one at a time... the oldest first until only Jesus was left with the woman still standing there. Jesus stands up and asks her ‘Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?’ ‘No one, sir’ she answered. ‘Then neither do I condemn you,’ Jesus said. ‘Go now and leave your life of sin.’

How many times in life do we set ourselves up as the judge of others? How often do we look sadly at another’s sin, all the while ignoring our own? Just like that innocent game, our rock throwing can have very painful results... bruising hearts, crushing spirits, draining another's hope of ever being truly loved and accepted. Lord, help us see the damage our ‘rock throwing’ causes so we won’t ever want to play such a dangerous game.

Another shopping incident...

2010-03-22T22:09:00.000-07:00

We frequent the local big box store for things like dog food and water. One day we were leaving, loaded down with six cases of drinking water and who knows what else. The cart was extremely heavy. We were headed out the EXIT DOOR. I emphasize EXIT DOOR for reasons that are about to become very clear to you. Remember, this cart is VERY HEAVY. There are two sets of EXIT DOORS... you know, to keep the cold air from coming in the store. Between these two sets of doors, there is a downhill slope. Just as we got through the first set of doors and the cart was headed down... people began ENTERING through the second set of EXIT DOORS. It took everything I had to hold the cart back and keep it from rolling forward and crushing the stream of people coming in the wrong doors. My daughter was there as I was expressing my exasperation about the situation... here’s how it went:

Me: Okay! I’ll just wait here, while you all come IN the OUT door... if you only knew how heavy this is. No problem! I’ll just keep holding back this two ton cart to keep it from crushing you! If you only knew how hard I am working here to save your lives! (All of this muttered under my breath with a tone of frustration and exasperation as my eyes bulged and my veins popped under the strain of holding back that cart... and yes, I do have a bad habit of exaggerating AND talking to myself).

Alex: Just let it go.

Me: (Laughing so hard I almost did) Should I? OH! You mean let go of my frustration! Don’t you? Or are you talking about the cart?

By now, we are out the door and Alex told me that she meant the cart (but not really). We laughed all the way to the truck about the weird play on words.

It’s funny how we can be totally oblivious to what someone has done for us. Can we possibly know many times have we almost caused an accident or other disaster when we are not even aware of it... and how many times the actions of another may have saved us from trouble, harm or even death?

There are people going through their lives every day... totally oblivious to what God has done for them. We are all headed for disaster... the consequences of our actions are serious... causing death of the spirit that lives in all of us. I’m so thankful for the one who is holding back the giant rolling cart for me... and for you.

Isaiah 53:5 But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.

When we pray...

2010-03-21T23:09:00.000-07:00

It seems like we have a lot of weird ideas about praying. For instance, we are usually only thankful or say our prayer was ‘answered’ when the outcome was what we thought was ‘best’. If we are praying for something and it happens our response is ‘Thank you, Lord!’ and we tell all our friends ‘God answered our prayers!’

It's usually a lot different when what we are praying for doesn’t happen. Does anyone see a problem here? If we truly believe that God hears our prayers, then we must go a step further and believe that he answers them... not just some of them... ALL of them. Sometimes the answer is a joyful, resounding ‘Yes‘! At other times the answer may be ‘No’ or what seems to be ‘No’ may mean ‘Not right now’. It’s easy to be thankful when the answer is ‘Yes’, but I have a lot to learn when ‘Yes’ is not the answer.

Sometimes I get my mind so set in a certain direction, believing and wanting something so badly, that I can’t even see anything else. Maybe this ‘thing’ isn’t what’s best for me... surely God really knows what’s best. This is a lot easier to acknowledge when we are praying for things like a job or something else we need, but it gets pretty tough when we are praying for things like a relationship to be restored or healing for someone we love. If it’s a thing we’re praying for, we can much more easily say ‘All right... that must not be what God wants for me... He must have something better’... but when we’re praying for people, it’s a lot harder to say ‘all right... God may not want that... maybe his plan is better.’

If he is truly sovereign, as I believe he is, and he can ‘intervene’ in our lives at any time and any place, it is a huge thing to trust him when he doesn’t. It’s hard not to ask why... as a matter of fact, I think it’s downright inhuman. But beyond all the whys and the pain and sorrow that go along with some of these ‘unanswered’ prayers... another question begs to be asked. Do we trust him? Will we still worship and follow this God, when at times we cannot possibly understand him? Will our faith shrivel up and die, or will we press harder into him and count on him to carry us through? Will we jump ship and give up, setting ourselves in a place far above him when we think ‘there cannot possibly be a God who would allow this to happen’ or can we surrender all our being to him and admit that we are not God?

Another weird idea I think we have about prayer is that the answers are somehow based upon our performance. This one would almost be funny, if it weren’t so true. It’s strange how easy it is for my mind to begin to believe that I ‘earned’ or ‘deserve’ something because of my ‘good behavior’. I know this is not the way it works, but something in me continually wants to go to this prideful, arrogant place. If we’re going to believe or act like this is the way it works, what does that say when prayers don’t get answered or bad things do happen? I’m not talking about when we do right and things naturally go better, or when we’ve worked hard for something and it happens, or even about when we make bad choices and suffer the obvious consequences that go along with them. We all know how that works, but aside from that (and even in it) there are times when bad things do happen, and all the praying and ‘right living’ don’t seem to make one bit of difference. What then?

People in the Bible were always trying to figure out or explain things and we carry on the tradition very well. Job’s friends were all certain that some sin he had committed brought on all the calamity in his life and continually urged him to confess his sin as he sat there perplexed and confused... knowing that his conscious was clear and deeply hurt by his friends thinking. In John 9:1-3 Jesus’ own disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.” Now that’s pretty profound. Maybe it would do us all good to reexamine our ideas, quit trying so hard to figure it all out, and well... let God be God. And when we pray... Lord help us to accept your answers.

I love these verses from Isaiah 55... they kind of cover it all.

6 Seek the LORD while he may be found; call on him while he is near.
7 Let the wicked forsake his way and the evil man his thoughts. Let him turn to the LORD, and he will have mercy on him, and to our God, for he will freely pardon.
8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.
9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,
11 so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
12 You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.

Understanding

2010-03-21T22:05:00.000-07:00

I love the Bible. Here are some verses that have helped me see God's perspective on recent events in my life that have been difficult to understand.

Romans 12:4 Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. 7 If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; 8 if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.

Philippians 4:2 I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to agree with each other in the Lord. 3 Yes, and I ask you, loyal yokefellow, help (yes, help) these women who have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.

(But, no matter what) 4 Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! 5 Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. 6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. (Oh yes!)

Matthew 18:15 "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16 But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

1 Peter 4:7 The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. 8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

In the Name of Love

2010-03-15T11:55:00.000-07:00

Our well intentioned caution might make someone feel like an outcast

Our expectations will likely leave a person feeling like they are not good enough

Our selectivity may destroy another’s sense of value or belonging

Our critical attitude can cause anguish to a soul

Our restrictions could crush a hopeful, joyful spirit

Our words can tear a heart to shreds

And we say we do it all... in the name of love.

Through The Way Things Appear

2010-03-04T10:03:00.000-08:00

The other day, a friend and I went to the local women’s fitness club to try it out. My spare tire has gone from a ten speed bicycle tire to a motorcycle tire in a few short months of winter, sitting around with nothing to do but eat. I don’t want it to become a tractor tire, so I figure I better do something about it, and a free week at the club just might get me started. We went in and had to do a fitness assessment before we could work on the machines. We could see the women working out... all shapes, sizes and ages. Most were quite a bit older than me and a few were heavier than I am. I kept glancing in their direction and mostly because of their appearance, I was thinking ‘this going to be too easy’ and ‘is this going to be challenging enough?' I thought I was in pretty good shape physically… except for that spare tire, anyway.

Our interview ended and the instructor led us out to show us how to use the machines. They are arranged in a circle and you only have to stay at each ‘station’ for thirty seconds. First there is a strength building machine and between each one is a board for walking or jogging in place. We started around the 'circuit'. We weren’t going very fast because we were following the instructor as she demonstrated each machine for us. About half way around is a station that measures your heart rate. When I got to it, I was already starting to sweat and even feeling a little light headed. The instructor checked the rate and told me it was high and that I should slow down a little. By the time I made it to the machine the second time, my heart was really going. A couple of times I felt like I might pass out and I was having a hard time at each machine even though it was only thirty seconds. I was sweating and probably looked like a woman in labor. So much for thinking I’m in pretty good shape… so much for thinking this was easy.

It’s funny how seeing things from a different ‘angle’ can give you a whole new perspective. I had been on the outside looking in. I was making determinations based on my own ideas and perceptions. I was making judgments without actually knowing much of anything at all… and boy was I wrong.

How often do we do this in life? How many times do we look at a person and think we know all about them because of a few things we see on the outside? How many times do we take those ideas and make them into some kind of reality in our head, never really taking the time to find out the truth? How many times do we take these preconceived ideas and interject those ideas into what people say, making it mean what we think it means instead of caring enough to find out? If we would take time to get ‘on the inside’ we might find out that things look a lot different.

I’m glad God’s not like that. He knows. He can see past the outer roughness, weakness, or whatever else we may seem to be on the outside. He knows the inside. He knows the heart. He knows the good and the bad and he loves us. He encourages us in what is good and forgives what is bad. He is full of mercy and grace. I want to be like that.

1 Samuel 16:7(b) The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

Romans 14:13 Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way.

Can’t Stand the Pain

2010-02-22T20:36:00.000-08:00

This world is full of trouble. One thing is sure, we cannot avoid it. Eventually it will creep up on everyone and we never know what form it will take… health problems, finances, loss of loved ones… the list is endless. We can take all the precautions in the world and still, trouble will find us. When trouble comes our way, it’s usually painful… sometimes it is so painful no one on this earth can help.

My sister is living through this. The loss of her son has shaken her to the very core of her being. Pain is a constant companion. There are times when it eases some, but then overwhelms her again. It affects everything she experiences… magnifying things somehow. She hangs on to the hope she has in Christ and does her best to keep her eyes on him, but it is hard. I can’t stand it. All I can do is pray, and although I trust that there is great power in that, I wish I could do more. I want to help, but I know there is really nothing I can do or say that is going to ease her pain. It distresses me and my heart cries out for help as she mourns and cries out in grief.

I take comfort that those cries are heard. I believe they are not only heard, but the only One who CAN help is at work. I’m thankful for that… and thankful that my sister trusts in him too… even in her pain.

Romans 8:26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.

Have you ever tried to love a porcupine?

2010-01-11T13:35:00.000-08:00

photo by Amy Fraser

The porcupine uses its quills for defense. The quills lie flat until the porcupine feels threatened. A porcupine cannot shoot its quills, but when a predator approaches, the porcupine will turn its back, raise its quills and lash out at the threat with its tail. A porcupine is not an aggressive animal. It will only attack if it is threatened… but when it does, you better not be too close.

Have you ever met a person like this? Loving them can be very painful. Things may be going along just fine and then, when you least expect it, the person perceives some kind of threat and the ‘quills’ go up and the tail starts swinging. If you’re standing too close, you’re bound to get hurt.

Loving this kind of person can be difficult. Getting close can be frightening. Repeated attacks may even make you want to stay far away. Only an idiot would continue to go back for more… right?

That’s not the way Jesus sees it. Here’s a little bit of his wisdom on the matter:

Matthew 18 21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" 22 Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Matthew 5 43 "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' 44 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?

Luke 6 27 "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29 If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. 30 Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31 Do to others as you would have them do to you.

32 "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. 35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

Sounds kind of masochistic doesn’t it? How can he expect us to do these hard things? Why would he ask us to live this way? To answer this question, we have to go back to what he has done for us.

Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

He didn’t wait for us to get all straightened out before he loved us, and he wants us to return the favor to others.

John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

It doesn’t seem quite as much to ask now… does it? There are times when we have to love at arms length, so we don’t continue to get wounded… but we can still love. Sometimes loving someone is full of risk, but Jesus didn’t count the cost… why should we?

Faith vs. Belief

2009-12-01T12:35:00.000-08:00

Most of the people I know believe in God. There are a few exceptions, but if asked, the majority would say yes, they believe there is a God. For years, I said I ‘believed’, but it didn’t really matter to me. I had no idea what God was like and I honestly didn’t really care. I cried out to him when I was in trouble, but for the most part, beyond that, I didn’t think of him much.

I remember asking him once, if he was real, to please show me. I had some vague general ideas about him, and believed that I was a basically ‘good’ person. I could always find someone who I thought of as ‘worse’ than myself, and I figured if he was going to decide who could get into Heaven and who would be left out, I was a shoe in. I was a severe skeptic when it came to ‘religion’. I believed they were all schemes of man, designed to make money and I didn’t want anything to do with any of it. I supposed there were ‘good’ Catholics, Protestants, Buddhists, Hindu, Muslims, etc. and the ‘good’ ones would go to Heaven. I never really thought through the problems of what I believed. I never really thought through much of anything… but in my mind, I was a ‘believer’.

Thankfully, God looked past my stubborn arrogance and in spite of me, used every circumstance and his loving kindness to draw me to him. He patiently works in my life to show me his truth instead of my own. He opens my eyes to see his goodness. He shows me how much he loves me and what he has done for us. Until I began to understand this, I was only a ‘believer’ and even the demons believe (Luke 10:17). God wanted to bring me to faith.

There’s a huge difference between faith and belief. Belief is a vague notion surrounded by MY ideas, MY desires and MY needs. Faith is trust… trust that God is wiser than my ideas, knows my desires and will supply all of my needs. Faith in God is much more than believing… it is trusting in him. Belief is something that happens only in my head. Faith happens in my heart. Belief can leave me empty and unchanged. Faith changes my life from the inside out. Lord, build my faith!

Hebrews 4:2
For we also have had the gospel preached to us, just as they did; but the message they heard was of no value to them, because those who heard did not combine it with faith.

Hebrews 11:6
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

Peace in the Madness

2009-11-16T09:47:00.000-08:00

A lot has been going on lately… those I love most in the world are suffering and as they suffer, I suffer with them. My heart grieves with them. I find myself weeping at their staggering losses, and while in no way, am I suffering like they are… in a small way, I am right there with them. It’s something that Jesus has done in my heart. Where I used to be able to shut things off and not think about it so much, he has given me a softer heart to pray and grieve right along with these people that I care so much for.

My sister lost her child, my sweet little nephew, in a tragic accident. I have two close friends who have suffered deep and bitter betrayal. One of those friends is struggling with health problems that are overwhelming and she is among many dealing with the hardships of failing health in themselves or their children. One of the sweetest women I know is trusting God through losing control of her body because of MS. Another is watching her sister die of cancer. My children’s grandmother, who was at home and doing great, went in for a lung biopsy and spent the last few days in ICU because the doctor accidentally punctured her lung. My pastor and his wife recently spent the day at Riley in Indianapolis praying for their granddaughter’s life after she had an unexplained seizure. A good friend is recovering from open heart surgery. Many that I love are struggling with job losses or financial trouble. Other friends are separated from their loved ones as they serve our country in foreign lands. These are just the few that come to mind. I could go on and on.

Our household has also been in a kind of stressful season of change. Three of our adult children have moved home in the last six months. One moved back out, but two are still here and while I am always blessed to be near my children, the change in routine and relationships can be very stressful. Joe remarked that we don’t realize how selfish we are until someone else starts wanting or needing to use our ‘stuff’.

Sometimes circumstances and relationships cause difficulties that seem impossible to overcome. My sister is far away, communication has been sporadic and there are times when my natural tendency is to begin to worry about her when I haven’t heard from her. There are people I care about that I have a strained relationship with and no matter how I handle things with them, I tend to feel like I failed in some way. There are others (my children especially) that I get frustrated with because they don’t take our ‘words of wisdom’ to heart and keep heading in a direction that is destructive. Sometimes there is so much pain and heartache around me that I feel helpless.

As these things have been going on, I found myself becoming unsettled. I couldn’t really put my finger on it, but I think I was starting to feel something like a cross between anxiety and despair. That’s a weird combination, but it’s the only way I can describe what I was feeling yesterday. Things just seem to be spiraling out of control around me and there is nothing I can do to change things and anything I try to do to help seems so inadequate. If I kept focusing on those things and myself, I think I would go crazy.

Thankfully, I have a God who doesn’t want me to live like that. Thankfully I have a God who lives in me and speaks to my heart when I don’t know the answers. Thankfully I have a God who IS the answer. As I get quiet and listen to him instead of my worries and fears, peace returns. He speaks to me and I’ll tell you how he did it this time.

As I lay in bed last night with my mind whirling with all these thoughts, I knew I needed to think about Jesus. I stopped thinking about the problems and just thought about him… about what he’s done… how he has made all things new… all things right… no matter what it may look like around me. I began to thank him… to thank him for who his is and what he’s done. My whole mindset was changed because of him.

Later, I picked up a devotional (My Utmost for His Highest) lying beside my bed and read the one for the last two days. The verse for the first day was “As for me, being on the way, the Lord led me…” (Genesis 24:27). As I read through Chambers’ thoughts on the verse, I knew the Lord was speaking to me. The gist of it was this: God leads us. There is no need for pleading or continual asking of which way to go… what to do. He leads as long as we are willing to follow. The only time we should worry about where we are going is if we are being disobedient. It’s easy to see God in the big things, but he is in every detail. We need to be devoted to God instead of being obsessed with what we are doing or where we are going.

The verse for the second day was “Peter… said to Jesus, ‘But Lord, what about this man?” Jesus said to him, ‘…what is that to you? You follow Me’” (John 21:21-22) and here’s my understanding of that with the help of Jesus and Oswald Chambers: God’s plan for others sometimes doesn’t need any help from me. Sometimes I can become a hindrance instead of a help. Sometimes they need to go through things with him and him alone. As long as I am in right relationship with God he will guide me in what to say or do. If I don’t know what to do, maybe I’m supposed to do nothing. I need to trust him to guide me. If he’s not guiding, I need to trust that too.

Do you think God was speaking to me? I’m sure of it. Thank you, Jesus, for bringing peace to my madness… comfort in my sadness… this is our God.

Equations

2009-10-29T18:14:00.000-07:00

There are people in my life who view me as the sum total of my weaknesses and failures.

Others will not define me by my mistakes, but will look past those… choosing to see me as I could be or want to be… they’re kind of like Jesus that way.

I will always have both kinds of people in my life, but the real question is: which kind of person do I want to be?

Painting by Monica Stevens. She has 'an abstract painting a day blog' here: http://monicastevens.com/. Check it out!

Ministers of Reconciliation

2009-10-16T12:02:00.000-07:00

Last Tuesday, we went to a Pastor’s Conference. They are great because you get to hear a lot of different pastors teach, and they were all good. One of them talked about how we are all ministers of reconciliation. I learned a lot and I know it will help me deal with some areas in my own life where reconciliation hasn’t been so great.

The next morning, as I began to review what I learned, I decided I needed a more exact definition of the word ‘reconcile’. I looked it up in Microsoft Word’s thesauruses and it gave me these synonyms: settle, put right, bring together, square, reunite, resolve, merge, patch up.

Then I went to Google (what did I ever do without a computer?):

Webster’s defined it this way:
1. to restore to friendship or harmony
2. to make consistent or congruous
3. to cause to submit to or accept something unpleasant
4. a: to check (a financial account) against another for accuracy b: to account for

Dictionary.com gave me this:
1. to cause (a person) to accept or be resigned to something not desired: He was reconciled to his fate.
2. to win over to friendliness; cause to become amicable: to reconcile hostile persons.
3. to bring into agreement or harmony; make compatible or consistent: to reconcile differing statements; to reconcile accounts.
4. to reconsecrate (a desecrated church, cemetery, etc.).
5. to restore (an excommunicate or penitent) to communion in a church.

Reconcile means to bring together, to restore and make things right, in this context. Next, I asked myself: Am I a minister of reconciliation? Am I willing to do what it takes to be the person who is instrumental in making things right? Sometimes it’s easy… I realize when I’m wrong, admit it to myself and to God and others if I need to, ask for forgiveness, do what I can to make it right and usually it’s a done deal. Sometimes it is more difficult, especially when these efforts don’t seem to work or you don’t even know what you’ve done wrong. If I’ve been hurt it can be even harder. All my messed up feelings and emotions get in the way and my need to be vindicated can keep me stubborn and prideful and then I’m anything but a minister of reconciliation.

What ‘tools’ do we need for reconciliation?

Prayer: I had to put this one in here, because even though I think it’s a given, there may be times that we forget to pray. Not my will but yours Lord… I need to pray it… and mean it.

Forgiveness: This is probably one of the toughest things about reconciliation at times. I need to let go of all the negative feelings that have resulted from my being hurt. I have to remember that I am forgiven and forgive as I have been forgiven.

Humility/Self-Examination: Sometimes it’s hard to admit where I am wrong. What may be even harder is NOT caring about how the other person may be wrong… I can’t change that. I can only be concerned about my part in the whole thing. This can uncover deeper rooted problems in my own heart like pride, bitterness or pain. I have to continually check with God, asking him to show me these things. When I see it, confess it and ask him to help, he will take what he shows me and change it for the better.

Love: The greatest of these is love. Even if I don’t have the ability, Jesus can take my willingness to love and make it into something real. Love covers over all wrongs. I must choose to love.

Grace: I learned, after I became a parent, that I need to give people the benefit of the doubt. I made so many mistakes that hurt my children even though I would never dream of hurting them intentionally. I decided quite a while ago that people are usually just doing the best they can. I can never be sure about their motives or reasons, but I can believe the best. My cousin reminded me of this when she shared something that had been passed on to her. She said “Love believes all things (another translation of I Cor 13). This means that in the absence of evidence to the contrary, if you have 10 possible explanations about why someone does something, and 9 are evil, and one is good, believe the one good thing”. Now that’s good advice. She went on to talk about how we shouldn’t be naïve and allow ourselves to be hurt further, but it’s always good to believe that another’s intentions are somehow good. I’ve found that in most cases they are.

Communication/Trust: At first, I thought if I can’t communicate with someone, for whatever reasons, reconciliation can’t happen. There have been times when it seems like every time I get close to being able to communicate with someone, the circumstances aren’t right. There may be other people around or the timing or occasion makes it very inappropriate. There have been times when I try the direct route and ask, ‘Can we talk?’, and it doesn’t happen. I pray and ask the Lord to help make it happen, and consistently, when I am ready, nothing else is. That’s when I have to wonder if it’s somehow God’s timing. Maybe he is the one keeping me from trying to get to the heart of the matter. Maybe the other person isn’t ready. Maybe he is preparing and making a way, even before I am able to.

How can I communicate with someone if trust isn’t there? There have been times when everything I said was taken wrong or twisted into something I never meant. Then, badly hurt by a person’s judgment and rejection, I am afraid to communicate because of being misunderstood in the past. It’s hard to try to reconcile with someone when you know they may not hear you correctly and you feel like you need a witness to any conversation. Now what? Sometimes it seems hopeless! Here is a verse from 1 Peter that really helps… and this is what I want to try to do. 1 Peter 2:12 Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbors (or anyone!). Then even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honorable behavior, and they will give honor to God when he judges the world. I know I can trust God through all of it.

Action: I’m finding that if I can’t communicate, action is a great substitute. If I’m willing to ask Jesus ‘What can I do?’, and actually do it, I can’t go wrong. He may put some crazy idea in my head and I have to be ready to do it! Sometimes that crazy 'nice' thing I don't really want to do for someone who has been anything but nice to me can cause everything to work out. I can go ahead and do loving things toward someone even if I can’t communicate with them.

Wait: When I can’t communicate and action doesn’t seem to be making any head way… when I’ve used all these ‘tools’ and nothing seems to happen, what else can I do? Doing all these things may or may not lead to reconciliation between two people, but it will surely leave my heart reconciled to God. Unfortunately, it isn’t always easy. Sometimes there is no answer. That’s when I always assume I need to wait, and waiting can be even harder than doing something.

Faith: I believe it will all work out… no matter how long it takes… I believe it will… because I believe in Jesus!

Jesus is the perfect Minister of Reconciliation. He is the one who restores us and brings us into friendship and harmony with God and with each other. He has reconciled our entire selfish, rebellious race of humanity to himself and to the Father. He was willing to do whatever it took to make reconciliation happen. The King of the Universe came down, took on human skin, limitations and vulnerability, giving up his rights and even his life, so that we could be reconciled to him. Even worse, I believe he bore the consequences, sorrow, pain and grief of our sin. He made a way, where there seemed to be no way. He did whatever it took. Oh Lord, make me like you.

Quilt/collage by Ellen Lindner - Adventure Quilter. Check it out at http://www.adventurequilter.com/

The secret

2009-10-12T11:35:00.000-07:00

My friend Jonathan Christopher posted this. 'The secret to being a good writer is the willingness and courage to be a bad writer first.' I think he is a good writer, so, in willingness and courage I post my writing so maybe I can be better. If you haven't read any of his stuff, check him out. He will make you laugh until you cry or spew... or maybe just make you cry. Stuff Christians Like is his website and be warned... it is full of satire so if you're easily offended maybe you shouldn't go.

http://stuffchristianslike.net/

It always comes down to love…

2009-10-12T11:11:00.000-07:00

As I go through life, seeking God and doing my best to live for him, I learn so much. I always learn the most from the painful experiences Sometimes I get an image in my mind, about how things should go and then reality comes crashing in. When things don’t go the way I expect them to, for whatever reasons, I am usually hurt. I hoped to be accepted and I was rejected, I wished to be a part of something and I am told not to be… and it is painful. Opportunities come, and I am continually passed over, not chosen to participate in any way, and it makes me feel like something is wrong with me and that hurts.

What does it hurt? Some would say it’s my pride. Some would say be humble. This is what I pray about and strive for… humility. Being hurt, whether it’s my pride or just plain being hurt can cause many different reactions: anger, sorrow, grief, self-pity. I know these reactions are not good, and as soon as I realize it, I try to make the decision to turn those negative reactions into something much more constructive, like forgiveness, joy, hope and assurance. As long as I choose the right thing, and I am willing and ask for help, I know Jesus will help me do the rest. Sometimes it is slow and painful, but it’s better than staying in all that junk.

There are other things that go along with these attempts of mine to correct my bad reactions. There is a burning desire to do what I feel God has called me to do that cannot be quenched. If I can’t do it where I thought I was supposed to, I must wait… or see if God has other avenues for me. When he does, that is a great outlet. It helps me deal with much of the frustration and pain. Waiting is hard. There is also the pain that comes from being rejected and misunderstood. It hurts when it is obvious that someone perceives you as a threat when all you want to do is help. It is even harder when you are treated like and told something is wrong with you, but the other person cannot or will not communicate with you to work through any of it.

These are tough things to deal with and when they happen, I have to remember that Jesus always accepts me… I am never rejected by him… and that is where I find peace. I also know that he can make even these tough things into something good.

As I deal with these issues, I learn so much about how I need to treat others. Every word I say, every choice I make, every time I include or exclude someone, it affects them. We all have this insecurity in us from past rejection. The way we are treated or how we treat others either drives a wedge, compounding the negative effects of being rejected, or heals, drawing us closer because of love. I’m beginning to believe that every weakness or fault we perceive in others somehow comes from a lack of love… and only love can help. Love does not reject. Love is unconditional. If we want to treat others well, it always comes down to love.

In a perfect world, a broken heart is always healed.

1 Corinthians 13
Love
1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Fishing: The Fight

2009-08-24T12:08:00.000-07:00

The best part of fishing can be the fight. Unfortunately, it can also be the most frustrating. When all goes well and the fight is vigorous and victorious, landing the fish, everything is great. When it doesn’t go so well, it can be discouraging. Sometimes a fish will make a run, go in a hole, under a rock or into the nearest pile of brush to try to escape, and many times it works. When it does, they get away with their lives… sometimes taking your tackle along with them.

Speaking of a fight, a husband and father with five kids at home, who plays worship for our church, has a full time job and a honey-do list that never ends doesn’t have a lot of spare time. I see him struggle at times between what he wants to do, needs to do, and loves to do, but he’s pretty good at getting his priorities straight and choosing the best thing. There are times in my life when I need some help in this area, especially when it comes to my relationship with God. Although I love God with all my heart, there are times when it’s difficult for me to manage my time with him. Other things I love or need to do sometimes crowd out what should be my number one priority.

I love God’s grace and I continually remind myself to live in it. It’s not like ‘I have to do x, y and z or God won’t have anything to do with me’… but I always see an obvious improvement in my attitude, level of patience, tolerance, etc. when I make him a priority. It makes me wonder why on earth I would rather be anywhere else.

John 15:5 "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Fishing: Passionate Pursuit

2009-08-10T14:08:00.000-07:00

My husband’s latest hobby is fishing, and as usual, he has set out to learn everything he can about it. I get to hear about lines, lures, and fishing holes… technique, tackle and tying knots… catfish, crappie and carp. He’s even trying his hand at fly fishing. I go with him a lot, but not nearly as much as he wants me to. I like to fish, but I just don’t have a passion for it like he does… most of the time, I go because I know he wants me to. I always have a great time, but sometimes I just don’t feel like fishing. I think he would fish every day if he could.

There is a big difference in the way we fish. I only go on days that are not too hot or too cold… and forget about fishing in the rain. I fish for a while and if I don’t catch anything right away, I usually give up and start taking pictures, rock hunting or exploring. Joe will go fishing no matter what. He will fish in the heat, cold or the rain. The other day he went when the temperature was around 40 degrees. He said it was the best time to catch walleye. He will stay at it for hours even without a bite. He will continue to change lures or bait until he finally catches something. He rarely comes home empty handed because of his perseverance. Even if he doesn’t catch a thing, he seems satisfied.

I want to live my life for God like Joe fishes. My circumstances should not be the barometer for my level of passion or enthusiasm for him. I want to keep casting my cares on him and learn to be a fisher of men and be content in all circumstances.

1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Matthew 4:19 "Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men."

Philippians 4:11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

The Voice of God, Jesus Loves Me and Other Hocus Pocus

2009-07-27T00:49:00.000-07:00

Have you ever heard the voice of God? At first, I had no idea what people were talking about when they said things like “God told me __________ (fill in the blank).” As a matter of fact, I thought they were kind of freaky. So far, I have never literally heard the voice of God. I’ve had no omens, no signs, no big booming voice from above that makes things perfectly clear for me.

In the beginning, I had no idea even how to pray. I would try, but my mind would take off like a runaway train… and that’s not even accurate unless you unhooked each car and sent it down a different track. My attempts to communicate with God were frustrating. I would start out and within moments, I was thinking about what I was going to eat, a bill I needed to pay, laundry that needed to be done, the mold growing on the window sill, or whatever. I spent more time shooting up quick apologies and trying to get myself back on track than I spent praying. It was ridiculous. To tell the truth, I still have trouble with it.

Listening to God was even worse. We’re talking dead silence. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but I couldn’t hear a thing. When I was praying, I would try to be quiet which was nearly impossible. I wouldn’t be saying a word, but my thoughts were out of control… kind of like when I was trying to pray.

I’m thankful for churches and Bible studies, because I learned a lot, and change began in my heart and mind that can only be explained by hearing God’s word. I say this because I was a very stubborn human being and no one could pressure, guilt, coerce or intimidate me into anything. The harder they would try, the more stubborn I would become. I heard preachers who used those techniques in my earliest days and never went back. When I finally found good churches that taught out of the Bible, weird things began to happen to me… things that I thought would never happen.

For example: I started to feel uncomfortable in a bar. If you know me, you also know that I was raised in and around a bar, bars were my main form of entertainment, and I made my living in one for many years. Feeling uncomfortable in one was not something I planned. It just happened… I started to feel like I didn’t belong there. I could go on and on with my list of things that God weeded out of my life, and I know in a way, he was speaking to me, but I really wanted something more… something that other people seemed to have… those freaky people who said things like ‘God spoke to me.’

Like everything else related to God, I seem to be a slow learner. After several years, I learned a way to pray that seemed to work. I would write out my prayers with pen and paper, and somehow, this simple act kept me focused and able to complete thoughts without interruption. I’ve also typed my prayers on the computer, but the pen and paper seems to work best. I’ve gotten better at praying, but sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever be able to ‘pray right’ (if there is such a thing). These days, my communication with God is a weird assortment of approaches, and I realize that I don’t have to be rigid about it… I just need to do it.

Hearing from God was different. When God ‘speaks’ to me, it usually comes to me as an idea… an idea that I am pretty sure did not come from me… like in my last story ‘Stranger than Fiction’. I’m pretty sure giving some stuff that I really wanted, back to someone who didn’t deserve it wasn’t my idea. No.... I have to confess that I am not that sweet, kind, forgiving, unselfish person. The real me wanted to ignore that crazy little idea, keep the loot and run. There are probably more times that I have ignored the ‘Voice of God’ than not. It seems like the more I am around the people, places and word of God, the better I can ‘hear’ him and the more likely I am to listen.

Another thing that freaked me out were people who would talk about Jesus in an almost gushy way… acting (or so I thought) like they had some kind of intimate, loving relationship with him. I thought maybe they were needy and talking about Jesus like that helped them deal with some sort of emotional or psychological trauma. I would kind of roll my eyes and think something like “Fruitcake!” I told you I wasn’t sweet and kind.

For several years everything I knew about God was head knowledge. I went to church weekly and attended many Bible studies. I knew a lot ABOUT God, but I didn’t KNOW God. As I’ve come along the way, crawling, walking, stumbling, falling flat on my face… moving a few steps forward and back, I’ve also become one of those ‘Fruitcakes’. It didn’t happen overnight, but Jesus has made himself real to me in so many ways and brought me through so much trouble, that I can speak of him as if I know him personally… because I do. If you don’t know him that way yet, hang in there… he promises… if you seek you will find… if you knock, the door will be opened.

Some people use the phrase “the blood of Jesus”… and, oh my… the image that used to pop into my head when I heard that phrase was from an old Stephen King horror movie about a high school prank at a prom… terrible. I thought it was creepy and felt very uncomfortable with it even for several years after I started going to church on a regular basis. It wasn’t until a patient, loving woman explained to me that it is the blood that makes all this possible. Without the blood of Jesus we have no friendship with God. I felt better about it but it was several more years before the ‘blood of Jesus’ made sense to me.

I’m always asking why, and God is patient and tolerant. I want to understand and I think about things a lot and I pray and ask God to help me when I don’t. In the last year or so, it occurred to me that we humans are always demanding justice… especially when the wrong has been done to us or someone we love. We want justice, justice, justice… unless it applies to us… then we want mercy, mercy, mercy. We can’t have it both ways. God cannot be good and loving and right and not demand a penalty for evil, hatred and wrong. He cannot be just without justice. Thankfully, he did not draw some kind of crooked line in the sand so that you and I may fall on one side or the other. He gave an ultimatum… all have sinned… a little or a lot… it doesn’t matter. Then he made provision for us because of his love for us. Here it is… your free gift of forgiveness… someone had to pay… and he gave his Son… if you accept the gift, you are forgiven… if not, you stand condemned already. What could be more simple and logical? What could be more just and merciful? Could you come up with a better solution?

Sometimes the things of God seem like hocus pocus, but the truth is simple and powerful.

16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 18Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son.

Stranger than Fiction

2009-07-24T09:45:00.000-07:00

Alex and I went to Hobby Lobby a few weeks ago. We had one of the strangest experiences I think I’ve ever had. I was looking for a ball to sit on an old iron candle stick I had out in the garden. We started in the clearance section because everything was 80% off. As we were browsing we found a few things that we liked and put them in the cart. When I shop at Hobby Lobby, I always put what I like in the cart and then at the end I usually have to go through and decide what I really need or want so I don’t spend too much money. I hadn’t been there in a while, and it is so much fun to go with Alex because we have a blast making fun and cracking jokes about some of the weird stuff we find. We tease each other and say ‘You REALLY need this’ about something totally outrageous, pose with objects, put on masks or whatever. They have some really strange stuff.

There were a lot of aisles on clearance… we must have arrived soon after they lowered the price to 80%. We found an awesome bowl that I actually wanted to buy when it was 50% off, but didn’t. The original price was $49.99 making it now $9.99. I put it in the cart and then saw a plate that I liked that was even less. As we were walking away I had the plate in my hand and a woman came up behind us and said in a very nasty tone ‘That’s mine.’ I said ‘Pardon me?’ and she said ‘this is my set… my cart was here’. There was no cart in sight. The aisle was completely empty the entire time we were there. I told her I got it off the shelf and she turned away and screamed ‘Mom!’ We went around the corner, but we could hear her frantically telling her mother how we had taken part of her set. She was so upset that I walked back around the corner and gave her the plate. She took it and didn’t even say thank you.

I went back around the corner and then we heard her scream out ‘Oh my God! Did she take that too?!!’ Then she came around the corner and looked in our cart at the bowl I had in the cart and went away babbling something like ‘I can’t believe it… she took that too.’ Then she came back with the plate and said ‘I don’t want this! I want that!’ She didn’t even give us a chance to respond, but walked back to her mom yelling ‘I can’t believe it!’ over and over.

By this time I was beginning to get angry and I had to walk away. I thought that I should have never given her the plate and I sure as heck wasn’t going to give her the bowl. As I was walking away, a thought occurred to me: All of a sudden, it was like God was reminding me that this was only a material thing and in the grand scheme of things, it didn’t matter one little bit. I picked up the bowl and went to give it back to her. She was still ranting and pacing up and down the aisle while her mother was standing there like she didn’t know what to do. I handed her mom the bowl and told her that I’m giving it back to her because of Jesus. She looked at me and said very enthusiastically ‘YEAH!’ and that was all. I walked away.

I felt kind of sick inside and so did Alex. We were so distracted by what just happened that we couldn’t really concentrate on what we were looking for. Alex was very upset at the woman’s unreasonable behavior. We got far away from them and rehashed the whole thing and had a good laugh about it. We prayed a quick prayer for her. That and the laugh made us both feel better. I told Alex that if she had calmly come to me and explained what had happened, that I probably wouldn’t have even hesitated to give her the things she said she had picked out. Her manner was rude and she seemed like a spoiled little brat who always got her way. Her calling out to her mom like she would fix it for her only enforced that feeling. She didn’t deserve to have the items… at all. The only way I could rectify the whole thing in my mind is to remember what I have that I don’t deserve… which is everything.

I made enough bad decisions when I was younger to have lost my freedom, health, sanity, children, family and even my life. I don’t know why I didn’t get what I deserved. Instead, I got (and continue to get) the mercy and love of a God who cares more for me than I can even imagine and who has used every terrible thing in my life for my good. I get peace, joy and hope in a world that can seem pretty hopeless at times. I get the opportunity to share that hope with my family and friends and even get to see some of them come to know the pure good that comes from knowing God through Jesus Christ. I get to watch my children survive terrible things that happen to them when all I can do is pray for them. I hear of desperate acts all around me… crimes and even suicides committed by those who have no hope and I can pray for those affected and thank God that I know what true hope is.

We left the incident behind and continued shopping. I didn’t get the bowl or the plate but I did get a reminder… a reminder to have grace for others because of the endless mercy and grace given to me. I wish I could remember that all the time.

John 1:16 And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.

Never Underestimate the Power

2009-06-20T01:04:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday, we took off for a kayak trip on the Wildcat Creek, to put in at Burlington and get out at Adam’s Mill. The bank at the put-in was steep and Joe helped get everyone into their kayaks. The river was beautiful… flowing nicely and winding back and forth. The trees arched over the river forming a canopy for most of the way. With bend after bend and as narrow as it was, there were a lot of log jams along the way. If you know anything about kayaking, you know that log jams can be dangerous and are nothing to mess around with. We had thirteen kayaks with us.

We came to a log jam that looked impassable so we all beached on the right side to look for a way to portage the jam. Cheyenne was coming down… and there wasn't much room left for her kayak on the beach. As she came, looking for a place to put ashore, she got caught in the current and was headed sideways for the log jam. Joe went splashing into the water to save her from what could have been a dangerous situation. He grabbed her kayak and sent her back to the beach. Since he was already wet, he decided to stay out in the river to help guide whoever needed it through the opening in the jam.

Sometime during the commotion Jake had gone through the narrow opening in the jam and was already on the other side. Several people got the idea that they would also go through too, and that’s when the trouble began. People were coming at it from all different angles and getting caught in the current. Jina and I got shoved to the far side of the river and had to back paddle upstream to get back across the river. Joe helped Alex through and then Jina and I went through on our own so there would be adults on the other side when the kids came through. Nancy was lined up to go next when all of a sudden Jessica came toward the opening at the same time. Joe lunged toward Jessica as her kayak was heading sideways toward the log jam, worried that hitting the jam might cause her to capsize. The current carried her through, but then Nancy became lodged against the jam. Joe had lost his footing as he lunged for Jessica and was feeling his way toward Nancy when all of a sudden, he fell into a drop off and went down in the river to his neck. The water was over his head and he had his paddle in his hand. It looked like he was in big trouble.

I was already way down the river showing the kids where to beach until everyone was through the jam. I saw what happened and began to paddle like a madwoman back upstream. I made it to the shore just on the other side of the jam. Jina, also down stream a way paddled right up to the jam against the current to help Joe if she could. By this time, Joe had managed to get himself in a position with his body across the logs so he wouldn’t be pulled under. Nancy was still stuck against the jam. Joe helped get Nancy around the jam and decided to hang on the back of her kayak as she paddled to the bank. He got out and probably thanked God… I know I did. Joe gave me a hug and headed back around the jam to help the rest of the kids.

Later, we all discussed how very serious the situation could have been and how very well everything turned out in spite of all our mistakes. At first, when Joe told the story, he told it kind of proudly… as if his own knowledge and ability had saved him from disaster. A few days later, he told me about an eye-opener he had the night before. He was lying in bed wide awake, when all of a sudden, he felt the same downward pull on his legs that he felt after he lost his footing at the log jam. He says it was not a dream or memory, but that the actual feeling came over him again. Joe had actually been thinking of going through the jam like you normally should in most river situations… feet first – downstream – head up and back. He realized that, in the river, when he felt that pull on his legs ‘something changed’. He had no fear or thoughts that he might die and he really didn't have time to think about it, but for some reason he shifted his body position from feet forward to leaning his body forward with his arms out which caused him to splay against the logs that were not visible above the water. If he hadn't done that, things may have come out very differently. Reliving the moment in bed that night convinced Joe that it was God who guided him to do what he needed to do. He now tells a slightly different story.

It’s funny how we like to take credit for so much in our lives. It is so very ‘human’ to think this way. Drawing nearer to God through Christ, we begin to realize that even the breaths we take are given to us. Every moment of the life we live is already known by him from beginning to end. I started to name this story ‘Never Underestimate the Power of the River’, but as you can see… I shortened the title. Never underestimate the power of God… or overestimate our own.

Fruit Salad

2009-01-31T09:48:00.000-08:00

I'm volunteering at the local homeless shelter now and I love it. Kiwis (see previous post) fit in very well there. I've met so many wonderful people and they don't seem to have expectations that I'll never be able to meet. It's refreshing... kind of like fruit salad. It's sad sometimes when the world seems less judgmental than the church.

Fruit

2008-12-15T08:58:00.000-08:00

All this business about fruit can be really perplexing. If you are a ‘good Christian’, ‘growing in the Lord’ you will ‘produce fruit’. The Bible is very specific about this fruit “Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control”. Seems pretty straightforward doesn't it?

Unfortunately, there are some who want to more specifically define ‘fruit’, insisting upon specific ‘signs’ of a fruitful Christian. Here are a few examples:

1. You will attend church every Sunday

2. You will attend Bible study at least twice a week

3. You will tithe regularly

4. You will attend every prayer meeting and pray Spirit led prayers out loud

5. You will spout Bible verses in every sentence.

6. You will appear at every church gathering with a happy countenance, never tired, frustrated, or emotionally affected in any way other than joy, joy, joy.

7. You will have a ‘servant heart’ also further defined as: you will automatically clean toilets, empty trash cans and various other ‘servant hearted activities’

I know you can help me expand the list.

Now, some of these are perfectly good and reasonable expectations to a certain degree, but when they become some sort of litmus test to qualify or disqualify you for any kind of service, it seems a little perilous. I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I could ever perfectly live up to this list. I’m a 46 year old mother of 10 children. I’ve been a mom for 28 years, and I still have five children at home. The youngest is five, so I have quite a few years to go. The other day I looked up and noticed that cobwebs had grown all over the house without my even noticing. I wash my windows about once every two years and my whole bathroom would probably glow in a UV light. I would never notice that the church bathroom is a little dirty… compared to mine, it sparkles.

Sometimes I feel like I’m a kiwi vine and someone is trying to make me into a peach tree. No matter how I try, I cannot produce peaches. Are my kiwis going to rot on the vine because everyone wants peaches? Is it because they are brown and furry? Don’t they realize that peaches are furry too? Kiwi skin might be a little tough, but it serves a purpose. Kiwi fruit is a weird color, but it is packed with vitamins and nutrition and it tastes good. Wouldn’t it would be a shame to let it rot on the vine? What kind of fruit are you? Is your fruit ‘popular’?

I’m starting to wonder if maybe some can’t see the forest for the trees… especially when they’re only looking for peach trees.

Fear of Commitment?

2008-11-19T14:26:00.000-08:00

Maybe you’re thinking ‘man with cold feet’. I could only wish. If it were, at this stage in my life, I’d be able to recognize that as something I don’t need and move on. As it is, my husband is the most committed person I’ve ever known, so… you guessed it… it’s me.

I seem to be having trouble committing to anything. Maybe I’ve been out of the loop too long. I’ve been a stay at home mom for the last five and a half years. I have plenty of responsibility, but somehow, now that some of it has been freed up (my youngest has now entered the annals of education), I can’t seem to make decisions regarding whatever God might want me to do with my life. I haven’t turned anything down, but I’ve had some ideas that I haven’t taken action on. Part of me (the insecure part) wonders if this is some kind of weakness. The other (more prideful) part of me says ‘No way, I’ve committed to plenty of things… I’m just waiting for the right one.’ Then, the good part of me (guess who) says ‘just be’.

I thought that by now I’d be involved in full time ministry. I’ve prayed for years and I had great dreams and expectations (oops), but it turns out that God has other plans. Part of me (the fear of commitment part) wonders if he only wanted me to help get something started and that I should now move on to whatever he has next. The other (more stubborn) part of me believes that I was called to this and nothing and no one is going to run me away from it. Then, the better part of me (yep, him again) tells me to wait and he will guide me either way. I’m not good at waiting.

Sometimes I wonder if that guy in the red suit with a pitchfork (oh wait… that’s not what he looks like at all is it?) is running around orchestrating others’ weaknesses, problems, and such to work right in with my own to cause delays. Can he use people’s inability to communicate and or listen to create giant misunderstanding? Does he take another person’s insecurity and use it to feed my own? Does he arrange for our natural territorial instincts to spill over into areas where they don’t belong? (I can just hear an evil little laugh as he goes about his work.) Man, I sure would love to be able to blame it all on someone.

Since I’ve had plenty of time to think about it, I’ve come to the conclusion that fear of commitment may be a part of my problem. In the past when problems have come up my answer has been ‘well, I guess this is not the ministry I belong in.’ At first, I thought there were good reasons for it... different ideas or theology, lack of biblical focus, etc.

As I’ve matured (slightly), I’ve realized that these problems can be overcome. I've also learned that when the same type of difficulty occurs in different places with different people, I must have at least some part in it… usually a big part. In spite of this understanding, this one has been perplexing. I persistently search my heart and motives and ask God to do the same and I continue to come up blank. This is one of the most difficult situations I’ve been in that seems to have no reason to be difficult at all. Although I’ve been hurt I choose to forgive, I don’t seem to be able to get out of the self-protective mode I am in. I want to trust, but I don’t feel safe even when I think I should. Part of me (the insecure part) thinks it’s all me and I need to force myself to do what I don’t feel comfortable doing. Every time I try, it doesn’t happen… I don’t think you can force something like that. Even though I’m willing, it’s doesn’t seem to be happening. Part of me (the more prideful part) wonders if there is a good reason for it, maybe I really do need to protect myself. Then, the best part of me (yep, him again) tells me to be committed… committed to him and he will guide me. There’s no fear in that commitment.

Psalm 37:5 Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: 6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

A Hobby or Something More

2008-11-13T21:25:00.000-08:00

My husband has had many hobbies. He switches them often and I kid him that he changes hobbies like a woman changes her purse. Whatever the current pursuit is, he sets out to learn everything he can about it. It seems that when he has learned as much as he can and it ceases to be a challenge for him, or it becomes too expensive, dangerous, or both, he moves on to something else. Golf, woodworking, home improvement, sport bikes, quads, go-carts, dirt bikes have all gone by the wayside. He’ll pick them back up occasionally, but never again like when he first got interested in any particular hobby.

A few years ago he picked up a guitar. Playing it has become much more than a hobby. He loves it. I don’t think it will ever cease to challenge him. He studied and learned so much and even built two of his own guitars. He has tried to explain it all to me… fret boards, intonation, chords, harmonics, scales, etc. but I just don’t get it. I know what those things are, but I don’t know how to use the information to do what I would love to do.

I love music. I would love to be able to play guitar. There is a deep rooted desire in my heart to do that and it’s been there since I was a child. For some reason, I won’t do what it takes to learn about what I’d really love to know. I kind of get it, but I will never understand music like Joe does because first, he was determined to learn all he could and then, when he began to understand, he set aside time to practice daily whenever possible so he could get better at it.

It’s kind of like this with God. I think we all have that deep rooted desire in our soul, first to know if he is real and if he is, to actually get to know him… but we don’t do anything about it. We may wonder about him, talk about him and maybe even learn a little, but until we have a serious commitment to finding out and then setting aside time to ‘practice’ daily, we will never know Him like we could. It’s troubling that we can do that with what is actually the most important thing we will ever need to know.

One thing we can be certain of… when we begin to do something about this desire, we will never cease to be amazed. God is deeper and wider than any earthly thing we can imagine. We will be rewarded in ways we never dreamed of and seeking him will bring satisfaction that can never be found in any other endeavor.

1 Corinthians 2:9 However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"— 10 but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit.

Ephesians 3:16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Election

2008-11-06T06:29:00.000-08:00

This election proves that the racial barriers are coming down in this country, and for that I am so very thankful. Please pray for and support our new President.

Phillipians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Romans 13:1 Everyone must submit to governing authorities. For all authority comes from God, and those in positions of authority have been placed there by God.

1 Timothy 2:1 I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. Ask God to help them; intercede on their behalf, and give thanks for them. 2 Pray this way for kings and all who are in authority so that we can live peaceful and quiet lives marked by godliness and dignity.

If you miss the boat, it just might be the wrong boat…

2008-11-03T08:25:00.000-08:00

The other day, I got a call from a friend that I hadn't seen for a while. She told me she had some things she wanted to talk to me about. We were tentatively planning to have lunch together the next day. That morning, I started working on cleaning the garage. When she called, I was in a precarious position hanging somewhere above the weight bench trying to reach some stuff for donating that was stuffed behind it. The phone doesn't work in the garage, so I told the kids to tell her I'd call her back… and promptly forgot all about it. I didn't remember until later that afternoon when the phone rang and it was her. It was too late by then because she had some other things she had to do. I apologized and we talked about getting together on Thursday.

After we hung up, I set about lambasting myself for not dropping everything and going. To make matters worse, lately, I've been pretty good about remembering that I need to see interruptions as opportunities and this felt like a setback. I was also moaning and groaning in frustration over forgetting important things like that (which I seem to do often). I even worried a little that she may have really needed to talk to me and that I had failed her. I mentioned it during Bible study that evening saying I probably missed an opportunity that God had given me… and then I forgot about it (I told you I do it often).

Thursday rolled around and my friend called. She had already eaten dinner, so we decided to just go for coffee. She picked me up and as we were debating on where to go, I asked her how her cousin (who has been through the wringer lately) was doing. She said it had been really rough and that maybe we should go and see her. We picked up three coffees and drove to her place. We spent the whole evening talking, listening and praying with her. Later, as she prayed, she thanked God for our friendship and that we had come.

Sometimes, even when I think I've messed everything up, I am exactly where God wants me to be. If I hadn't missed the lunch date earlier in the week, I'm sure we would not have been where we were needed more that night. It made me realize how many times I forget that it doesn't all depend on me and it made me grateful that when I ask and desire to be and do what God wants, he will help me.

Psalm 31:3 Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me.

Will I Ever Learn?

2008-10-01T10:30:00.000-07:00

When we lived in Colorado, we were out hiking one day and stopped to have a picnic lunch by a river. This river was always swift, but it was in the spring, and the runoff from the mountains had turned it into a violent, raging mass of water. My two oldest boys, Justin 16, and Travis 12, had my sister's air mattress out of her truck and were talking about putting it in the river. I remember telling them that it wasn't a good idea, that they had no clue about the power of that water and how it could sweep them away in no time, not to mention how cold it was.

The next thing I knew, they had gone down to the edge and launched the queen sized air mattress into the water. The raft started down the river with the two of them on it. I know they could feel the power of the river and immediately realized their mistake because of the look of sheer terror on their faces. Justin grabbed a low hanging tree branch to try to stop the raft. He was trying to keep the raft under him with his feet and legs but it was useless. It continued down the river with Travis on it and Justin was left hanging by the branch in the middle of the river. I shouted directions to him from the bank (let go… feet first… hands behind your head) as we tried to follow Travis down the river. The growth along the bank was thick and we weren't moving fast enough. Travis and the raft disappeared around the bend.

As I turned back, I saw that Justin had let go of the branch. I kept yelling instructions to him from the bank, but I doubt that he could hear anything with the roar of the water. He couldn't even stand up because the current was so strong. Incredibly, he made his way to the opposite bank before he had gone out of sight. I had no idea what to do about Travis. I was terrified for him, but there was nothing I could do but pray. I ran back up the river and across the bridge to make sure Justin was okay and see if there were any phones or people in the parking area over there. I felt so helpless. The feeling of dread and thoughts of all the things that could happen to Travis were overwhelming. They were soon relieved as I saw him on the other side of the river, coming up through the brush. Somehow, he also had made it out alive.

I am so thankful the outcome wasn't worse that day and that we can look back on it and laugh. I think maybe both boys learned a valuable lesson... a lesson we all need to learn over and over again. It's funny how we refuse to listen to those who love us the most… those who always have our best interests in mind and only want to keep us from harm. I am a grown woman and still have trouble with it. I refuse to listen to my husband or even God sometimes. I know I can trust them both yet, at times, I refuse to listen. I should know better by now. Will I ever learn?

Proverbs 1:5 let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance

Hard to Get

2008-09-29T14:14:00.000-07:00

There was a terrible accident on Friday afternoon involving a school bus with four disabled children on board, all of whom were killed. The bus driver was the only one to survive and is in serious condition. One of the students was my daughter's 'peer buddy' at school last year. Peer buddies is a program that students can volunteer for to assist the kids in the special needs classroom. Tyler was ten years old, confined to a wheel chair and could not speak. Cheyenne spent part of every Tuesday last year helping him and the other kids in the class in all kinds of activities that allow the children to do and experience various things that they wouldn't be able to do on their own… from tasting and smelling things to going for a ride on the Carousel at Riverside Park.

Joe and I have been talking and praying about the tragedy… praying for all those involved: parents, family, the bus driver, other drivers involved (who were not injured), the teachers, friends and even the rescue workers and anyone who was at the accident scene. One of our biggest concerns as parents is if we should allow Cheyenne to attend the funeral or not. At first, our protective parental instincts told us 'no, she does not need to go through that'. Joe and I both hate funerals and only go if we can be of support to someone there. We felt that Cheyenne didn't need to 'be there' for anyone and that being there wouldn't do her any good at all. That was consensus last night, but we agreed to keep praying and asked God to help us make the right decisions before we went to sleep.

There are two of Cheyenne's good friends, among others, who also volunteer in the class. One of the moms thoughtfully coordinated all of the parents to donate and send a memorial for Tyler. When she called again this morning, we also discussed whether or not we should allow the girls to go to the funeral. She had the same protective mindset that we did. She mentioned there was a viewing before the funeral and I said I might take Cheyenne to it, but I wasn't sure. I asked her to call me later in the day.

I called my pastor's wife to ask her to pray and see if she or her husband had any advice. As we discussed all the thoughts and feelings we were having, she suggested leaving the decision up to Cheyenne. Since we haven't even talked about it (I was kind of avoiding it, thinking if I didn't say anything maybe she wouldn't ask), I hadn't even considered the fact that she might want to go. I'm sure that when she gets home tonight she will have an opinion and that opinion may be influenced by the group of kids that are also volunteers. I'm also fairly sure that as a group, they will want to go.

Joe called again at noon and when I asked him how he was feeling about it, he had basically come to the same conclusion. I called the other mom and told her what we were thinking and she was also having the same ideas. It's amazing how God will bring minds together. We are now prepared to counsel Cheyenne, but to leave the final decision up to her. She's only 10, but I know she will have to learn how to handle things like this in her life. The other mom had been in contact with the school today. I knew they had provided grief counselors and she found out that all the girls had been to see them a couple of times. She was going to pick up her daughter after school. I thought maybe I should do the same, but then decided to leave Cheyenne to finish the day unless she calls me to come and get her. She's doing pretty well because the first thing I did was remind her of the hope that we have… not a weak uncertain hope, but a solid, definite, knowledge of the true hope that Tyler is safe with Jesus and he is no longer confined to his broken little body. He is truly and totally free.

I can only pray that the parents of all four of these children have this knowledge of hope. Without it, I don't know how you could cope. I don't understand why things like this happen. I am a firm believer in the sovereignty of God and I know that although he did not cause the accident, he could have stopped it. Why he didn't will remain a mystery along with many other things. I do know that God is good, not just in our human way of thinking, but good through and through. There is no bad in him. Some people react to tragedy by pushing God away and blaming him while others draw nearer to him through their grief. Lord, draw all of these nearer to you.

Later, I was online reading an unrelated blog and happened upon this song. It's not a great recording because it was made on a cassette tape player just days before the artist, Rich Mullins, died in a car accident. It's an honest song about the struggle to love and trust this God who loves us so much and whose ways we cannot understand. It was exactly what I needed to hear today.

Isaiah 55:8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. 9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

Luke 18:16 But Jesus called the children to him and said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.

Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Sundog

2008-08-20T18:52:00.000-07:00

From Wikipedia:

A sun dog or sundog (scientific name parhelion, plural parhelia, for "beside the sun") is a common bright circular spot on a solar halo. It is an atmospheric optical phenomenon primarily associated with the reflection or refraction of sunlight by small ice crystals making up cirrus or cirrostratus clouds. Often, two sun dogs can be seen (one on each side of the sun) simultaneously.

I couldn't think of a name for this blog and I remembered the first time I saw a sundog. I was in Florida and there were two dim little rainbow looking reflections in the sky on both sides of the sun. It looked sort of like the photo above, but they were much smaller (and there was a palm tree instead of a pine tree). They were barely noticeable but I happened to see them because I look at the sky a lot. I thought they were pretty cool and later found out they were sundogs.

Sundogs remind me of my ability to understand or imagine God. Even in moments of greatest clarity as I come closer to him and as I seek him, I only see a dim reflection... as in a bad mirror. I can't imagine what they used for mirrors 2000 years ago, but I'm sure they weren't very clear... even the ones from a century ago were pretty murky.

Those little sundogs, as beautiful as they were, are only a dim reflection of the awesome brilliance and power of the sun. My understanding of, and efforts to be like the perfect example God provided in Jesus Christ are just that… cloudy and skewed by an imperfect person that has been influenced by an imperfect world. I can only imagine coming face to face with him and knowing fully what I only vaguely imagine now.

Let this be my own little disclaimer regarding whatever I post here.

1 Corinthians 13:12 (ESV) For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

Time and Light

2008-08-15T10:28:00.000-07:00

I read 'time is a drag' on a profile update yesterday. Time IS a drag... so is gravity and other assorted things that are causing me to age.

I learned some interesting facts about time. The faster you travel... the slower time passes. It's something Einstein theorized about and was proven right. Light travels at a constant speed no matter what impedes it. Even when it bends, is reflected or is diffused it still travels at 186,000 miles per second. You cannot change the speed of light... it is a constant. Time is not a constant... even though we usually think of it that way.

Theoretically, if you could travel at light speed... time would stand still. If you think about it, if you were traveling at the speed of light would you still be able to see it? Would you be in the light? Part of the light? What would happen? It is said that light is a wave and if you were traveling at the same speed you would be 'riding' the wave. Now that's some high speed surfing.

God refers to himself as 'the light'. He also refers to himself as a 'constant'... always present - never changing. I find that pretty interesting in 'light' (haha) of the things we now know about light. It stands to reason that if you are 'the light', time doesn't matter. Time doesn't matter to God. He knows the beginning and the end of 'time'. A day is like a thousand years and a thousand years is like a day for him. These things were written millennia before anyone knew what we now know about light.

Just something to think about… in case time is dragging for you ;)

The Best Defense

2008-07-28T13:23:00.000-07:00

I spent much of my life

Trying to justify my actions
Defending my position
Being hurt or offended when I'm misunderstood
Trying to right wrongs or fix things that I thought were unfair
Being generally rather frustrated when things didn't go my way

Since I asked Jesus to help me with all this and the rest of my rather dysfunctional existence I've learned a few things.

The best defense is a great offense

Yeah, I know this cliché line sounds rather simplistic so I will try to explain.

The kids and I have been reading through the four books in the Bible that depict Jesus as he lived here on earth. I started out because I wanted to teach the kids about Jesus, but I am sure that I have learned just as much or more than they have. As we read through these books, we discovered an amazing person. I learned so much that has helped me, but I think one of the greatest things that I am trying to practically apply to my life is how he dealt with injustice.

Here's the picture:

Sinless (yes, sinless) man lives a life above any reproach. At around 30 years old, he begins to teach, heal and perform various other miracles. He develops a great following and people throng to hear his message of hope. As his ministry goes on, his following grows. Local religious leaders fear loss of power, money and prestige because so many are listening to this message of grace and mercy that is in direct opposition to their oppressive and burdensome requirements and regulations. They decide to do something about it.

At first they tried to discredit him which further substantiates his sinless life – if he had done ANYTHING, they would have found it. As they made their empty accusations, each time they tried to put him on the defense, he came back with a great offense and reversed the situation. Each time he was accused, he would answer with logical questions putting his accusers in the position of defending themselves. He never defended himself because there was no reason to. He had done nothing wrong.

When they finally ran out of empty accusations and illogical arguments they began to attack him for saying that he was the Son of God. To this he consistently gave no answer at all or a simple 'it is as you say'. He did not defend himself, he did not get upset, he did not argue or plead his case or point to all of their mistakes and all of his proof. He did not cry out for justice. As he was arrested for the only crime they could come up with – blasphemy for saying he was the Son of God – one of his disciples tried to defend him with a sword cutting off one of the guards ears. Jesus told him to stop and healed the man's ear.

Jesus went to the cross without argument. He went willingly. He came back to life three days later and the legacy of what God has done lives on. It has a force and power beyond anything on this earth.

I wish I could live a life like that. As I seek God and learn more and more about him, my life begins to change and look a little more like what it should and could be. When I remember to react in these ways instead of being defensive, angry or hurt I have much better results in all of my relationships. Even when there is no resolution, there is peace.

The first time this message really hit home with me was as I watched my husband go through what I thought was a terrible injustice. In spite of his innocence, I watched him calmly go through being treated horribly, and severely disciplined for nothing more than good intentions. He acknowledged his own errors and accepted all of the guilt and condemnation that was hurled at him with grace and dignity. As I went through this with him, in the beginning I fought it every step of the way. I tried to fix it, fight it and argue it. Everything in me screamed INJUSTICE.

As time went on… years in fact… I learned to pray more and trust God. I still had my moments when I got angry because the very system that was set up to protect the poor and the innocent has become far less than it was intended and there were times when I wanted to fight it with every thing I had, but Joe would always calm me down and remind me that everything would be okay. In the end, everything turned out fine and Joe was vindicated. I'm sure it came out much better than it would have if we had done it my way.

My life will never be perfect, and there are times when I forget all about how it should/could be, but my desire and growing ability to live a good and right life comes not from any law or rules but because of the love I have received from my God.

Rom 2:4 ...God's kindness leads you toward repentance…

1Pe 2:12 Live such good lives among them that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.

A Safe Place

2008-07-28T00:20:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the place we should feel safest can seem to be the most hostile. Sometimes the people who should love us judge and condemn us. Sometimes they do it without knowing anything about us. Sometimes anxieties, weaknesses and fears are projected onto us in various ways… anger, hostility, exclusion. Sometimes life just plain sucks because of these misunderstandings. Sometimes I am the object of these issues and sometimes I am the cause.

I know a place where I am always safe, always loved and never misunderstood. In Jesus I find acceptance and grace and I am known to the deepest core of my being. My motives and actions are known and not presupposed. With him, I can see my own motivation more clearly. I learn how to better handle it when I am the object of a misunderstanding, and I learn more and more how NOT to be the cause of the misunderstanding. I learn that being defensive is unproductive and that continuing to love is the only answer. I learn that if I can't overcome these stumbling blocks I may miss out on something much greater.

I love this place… I think I'll stay here… right where God wants me.

Proverbs 29:25 The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.

Baaaaaaaaaaa

2008-07-03T15:47:00.000-07:00

Jesus told a parable about relationships. The parable gives an example of how sheep only trust the one they know. Although the parable was used to explain to his disciples about false teachers/preachers, I learned something from it in another very important way.

Quality relationships are not possible without trust. Just like sheep, trust is something that is built when we get to know, care about, help and protect each other. In the parable, Jesus is the shepherd and doesn't need taken care of… only you and I (the sheep) do. That's true with a shepherd/sheep and with God and us, but in human to human relationships, it's a two way street. It must go both ways, or it will never be very good.

In the parable, Jesus says '… they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him…' How do we get to know someone well enough to trust? We start out by sharing our joys, sorrows, hopes, fears, victories, failures, strengths and weaknesses. As we build trust and become able to share even more, we naturally become more and more intimate with each other. Becoming intimate puts us in a vulnerable position, but also brings us closer. We can't expect our relationships to grow meaningfully in any other way.

When one of the people in a relationship is unable to become intimate in this way because of insecurity or fear, the relationship suffers. It is an exchange, and when one person is unable to participate, communication is superficial at best. Sometimes it takes a lot of patience and love. It may be slow, and sometimes even painful for the other person to learn that you are not the enemy. If trust extended is abused or broken, the relationship can be badly injured.

If we want to have good relationships, it starts with getting to know each other and it will continue to grow with strong, unbroken trust. Like Jesus, who came that we may have life, and have it to the full, we must want the best for the other person.

John 10:1 "I tell you the truth, the man who does not enter the sheep pen by the gate, but climbs in by some other way, is a thief and a robber. 2 The man who enters by the gate is the shepherd of his sheep. 3 The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. 4 When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. 5 But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger's voice." 6 Jesus used this figure of speech, but they did not understand what he was telling them. 7 Therefore Jesus said again, "I tell you the truth, I am the gate for the sheep. 8 All who ever came before me were thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not listen to them. 9 I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. He will come in and go out, and find pasture. 10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. ....

Masks

2008-06-11T16:02:00.000-07:00

Throughout my life, I've worn many masks. Here are a few that I could identify. I'm sure I've worn more, but these are the ones that come to mind.

Mystery: When I was younger… I didn't know much. For a very short time, I sort of realized it and somehow knew that it would be better to keep quiet. Then, at least people might wonder, instead of opening my mouth and removing all doubt. I wish I would have kept this mask on a lot longer. It would be useful, even today.

Happy Face: As life progressed and I experienced more and more pain, betrayal, rejection and abandonment, I put on the Happy Face. I had a killer smile that could cover up all the turmoil inside. I laughed and acted so carefree that few knew how messed up I was. I surrounded myself in a whirlwind of entertaining people and activities to help keep this Mask on as long as I could.

Martyr: During both the Happy Face and the next Tough Cynic phase, there were times when I was so wounded that I couldn't keep those masks intact so I put on the Martyr. Although I was as much a part of my problems as anyone, I would focus on others failures and play the Martyr. It was easy to justify it with all the dysfunction I placed myself in the middle of and I played it well… not too pathetic and helpless, but definitely appealing to the sympathy of those around me and justifying everything in my own mind. Maybe if I weren't so good at it, I would have gotten what I really needed… for someone to let me know without a doubt that my own choices were the cause of almost all of my problems.

Tough Cynic: It became more and more difficult to pretend. I could only escape into the Martyr for short periods and the Happy Face was cracking. I began to expect the worst in everything. I gave up hope, trust, and anything else that required me to put myself in the path of more emotional harm. To make it appear that this was not as devastating as it truly is, I covered with sarcastic humor and a toughness that came naturally, out of necessity for survival.

Today I rarely wear a mask. I'm sure that I fall back behind them momentarily, but I don't stay there too long. I'm glad they finally became old, worn out and practically useless which led me to being fully covered and redeemed by the grace that I needed all along.

Middle Child

2008-06-11T15:41:00.000-07:00

I spent my life in proximity
Seeing things
I couldn't conceive
Ever happened to me

Younger sibling
Much adored
Time and attention
Boundless love

Older sibling
Depended on
Needed, heeded
Helpful and more

From my view
It seems to be
That no one needs
Or cares about me

Kind words and gentle touch
The very thing I need so much
I resist, refuse, I can't believe
That they truly care for me

Insecurity, resentment
Anger grows
I push away the offerings
Of the things I desperately need

Those pushed away
Don't realize, can't understand
And in their eyes, only see
A need for more discipline

What I really need is unconditional love
Help to understand that I have had
The very things I can't believe
Were ever in the plan for me

Down Your Throat

2008-06-11T15:30:00.000-07:00

I talked to Justin (my oldest son) this morning. He was sitting on the beach in Panama City, Florida watching lightning flash over the beach as the sun rose. We talked about his buddy's wedding (the reason he is there), the recent flooding and his brother (who I just saw yesterday) among other things. The conversation wandered to the reasons for some of the seemingly terrible things that happen in our lives. We agreed that whatever it is, God is able to use it for a good purpose in our lives and that we would try to remember that and remind others.

Then the conversation fell into 'religion' and Justin expressed revulsion when people try to "shove it down your throat". I feel a little defensive and worried when I hear this expression... I made a feeble attempt to explain that people mean well and that it's funny because when Jesus becomes the most important thing in your life, he naturally becomes the main thing you talk about... everyone does it, but not many are deeply offended when you talk about your children, job or football team... it's different with Christ and he warned us that it would be. John 15:18"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first… 21They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the One who sent me.

I also asked if I ever did that to him. He said no, and that he would let me know if I ever did. I was relieved, but when we got off the phone, it occurred to me that I left out something very important. Not only do we want to share Christ with everyone because of the wonderful thing he has done for us and in us... we are supposed to make him known. The last thing he did before he went to the cross was to stress over and over to love him and love each other so people would know. Unfortunately, sometimes we try to tell people about Him without demonstrating love at all. We mean well, but no one can really hear the 'good news' unless real love goes along with it. He left us an example to follow and sometimes we don't do it very well. If we did it like he did, we would automatically make him known. If we learned from him, we wouldn't mess it up so bad. No matter how badly we mess it up, you should know that he is much better than us.

Here it is straight from the horse's mouth...

Jesus repeatedly commanded us to remain in him:

John 15:4Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. 5"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. 8This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

So we can love each other:

John 15:9"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. 11I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

And make him known by his example:

John 17:20"My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 21that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. 22I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: 23I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. 24"Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world. 25"Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. 26I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them."

Lord, help us be like that so we can make you known.

Freedom

2008-05-29T00:48:00.000-07:00

This weekend was a time to remember all those who have made sacrifices for freedom. It also started out as a weekend of frustration and disappointment for me. Fortunately, the tough things in my life are helping me learn to see others the way my God sees me. Whenever someone hurts me or makes things very difficult for me, I have to remember to put on 'rose colored glasses' and see them through the lenses of mercy and forgiveness. Sometimes it is hard because being hurt is no fun and wasting my time and money on empty missions can be very frustrating and expensive. It makes it even harder when I have to come home and tell my son he's been let down again. If it weren't for knowing that Christ gave his life because of his love and mercy toward me, I would be very hurt and angry. Instead, I choose to remember that time and time again, I have hurt others and ultimately my God, and that I have been forgiven. That makes it my responsibility to extend that forgiveness to others. In the end, it is the best thing for me as well. I don't have to carry around the huge burden unforgiveness lays on my shoulders. I can drop the pain, anger, bitterness or whatever else I may be feeling. I can drop it at Jesus feet and leave it there. I can choose not to pick it up again... and if I forget... I can take it back to him any time I want to. This is ultimate freedom. This was the ultimate sacrifice for the freedom of anyone who chooses to take it.

John 8:36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.

Seesaw

2008-04-29T13:21:00.000-07:00

Up
Down
Up
Down

The thrill in my stomach as I leave the ground
The drop in my heart as I plummet down

Up
Down
Up
Down

The excitement and adventure of a new love found
The pain and the grief when it ends where it was bound

Up
Down
Up
Down

Get off this ride and leave the park
Or keep on riding until it's dark?

Up
Down
Up
Down

Are the highs truly worth it? All this pain...
In the end, in reality, what have I gained?

A Kinder, Gentler Letter to a Friend

2008-04-29T13:10:00.000-07:00

I just want to write to tell you that I love you. I love your honesty. Your heart is not hard and cold like so many who have been hurt and I am thankful for that.

Someone hurt me the other day. After my initial feelings including shock, revulsion, anger, grief, etc., I realized that my situation hadn't changed. All those feelings had been lurking beneath the surface all along. This wound only made an opening for them to come out. Their coming out seems to be a necessary part of my healing process. I cannot continue to harbor those negative feelings if I truly choose to forgive. I may not be able to get rid of grief, but anger and revulsion have no place in a heart of forgiveness. I need so much help to do what I want to do. I want to forgive because I have been forgiven so much. I want to love because I am so loved. I want to truly wish the best for those that have hurt me.

I am convinced that we are all capable of being heartless and cruel. The Spirit of God that is in us or alongside us, even when we don't believe is the only thing that keeps us from degenerating into something horrible… without feeling or remorse. I'm thankful that you listen to the Spirit of God that keeps you from becoming hard and cold because of the way people treat you. I hope you are always able to do that.

It hit me really hard how blessed I am to be surrounded by people who love me and are not always hurting me. It occurred to me that most of my life was lived thinking being treated like that was normal and now, it is so abnormal that it puts me in a state of shock when it happens. Jesus opened my eyes so I could see all the warning signs of the people I shouldn't be intimately involved with, and only he gave me the strength and wisdom to stay out of those relationships and to keep necessary boundaries when I had no choice but to be in those relationships. My life is so much better for it.

There are no easy answers. People suck. God is good and only he can make us into the men and women we were meant to be. Unfortunately, it's not usually an instant fix. We still struggle along, being slowly changed by relying on and being loved by him in spite of ourselves. As we do, we learn about grace and mercy and are more able to extend it to others because it has been given to us. The world is still a hard, cold place, but we learn to live in it with an unshakeable joy and peace in our hearts. That is the blessing… more than finances, relationships, etc… that is the blessing that really matters.

Things are not always as they seem

2008-04-28T14:35:00.000-07:00

Most of the time, what appears to be someone striking out to try to hurt me is actually a cry for help. I know this, and yet sometimes I forget. I worry about my own pain and the feelings I am having and forget all about what might be going on with the other person. Now that I know there is more to the story, I want to help, but I doubt that an offer would be received... I want to help, but I'm not sure if my help is what is really needed. I can only pray that whatever is going on, God will protect the innocent ones and help those who need it in the way they need it. If I'm a part of that, I'm sure he'll show me.

Mirror Mirror

2008-04-04T02:35:00.000-07:00

Look around
Don’t look in
Don’t want to see
My own sin

Compared to others
I can always find
Someone worse
Set up in my mind

Look around
Don’t look at me
In that mirror
I might see

The truth
Exposed
When all along
I supposed

I’m okay
Because you’re not
A false impression
Is all I’ve got

A prayer for stone cold hearts

2008-04-03T16:33:00.000-07:00

The longer and further we walk
Away from God
And all that is pure and good and right
The colder our heart becomes

But it’s never too late
To turn around and walk
Or even run
The other direction

To be welcomed
With arms wide open
Into the loving warmth
That patiently waits

Love that chisels away
At a heart of stone
Carving it into
What it was meant to be

It is my prayer
For stone cold hearts
Projecting pain
Onto those who try to love them

To turn and walk
No… run
Into those waiting arms
Of love

The Monster

2008-04-03T15:21:00.000-07:00

The monster is hiding
Waiting to come out
He wants to eat
I will not feed him
Perhaps I will be able
To starve him out

When I least expect it
There he is
Someone is feeding the monster
He is getting stronger
I can take this food from him
Keep him from gaining power

It’s there
Right in front of him
And me
I should throw it away
Down the drain
Never to be fed upon

But sometimes
I leave it there
Just in case
I get hungry too
Bad food
Toxic, poisonous

Get rid of it
And him

He’s been with me for so long
Once I thought he was gone
And then
Vigilance waned
Does he come back
stronger than before?

No
Only his absence
Makes it seem that way
I will keep better watch
This time
My gatekeeper will help

Together
We can defeat him
He shall not come out
And live in comfort
No
He shall not be comfortable at all

The Masquerade

2008-04-03T10:13:00.000-07:00

Evil masquerades
Behind a pretty face
Cold snake coiled
Waiting to strike
Watches intended victim
With evil intent
Vulnerability induced
Deceived, seduced

Victim falls
Bite not lethal
Intense unremitting pain
Wounded lives another day
Hope tucked away
Determined to move on
Confront reality
Dismiss uncertainty

Reject temptation
To retaliate
What motivation
Does it bring joy?
So many questions
Answers elude
Thoughts roam
Motive unknown

Let go
Press on
Resolve to trust again
Join the masquerade
Concealed for a while
In anticipation of
Forgiveness healing
Love prevailing

Loving…

2008-03-27T03:44:00.000-07:00

Loving and being loved by my children makes me want to…

teach them to have fun and be who they are
share in their triumph, fear, joy and heartache
firmly but gently discipline when they make mistakes
see them grow up into men and women
know all about them

So I will… be a better mom

Loving and being loved by my husband makes me want to…

take part in his hobbies and interests
share his thoughts and dreams
forgive him whenever he does something wrong
encourage him in all he does
know everything about him

So I will… be a better wife

Loving and being loved by my God makes me want to…

learn every thing I can about him
be honest with him about my hopes and fears
talk to him when I make mistakes
trust him and be more like him
know him more every day of my life

So I will… be a better person

Dishonesty, Betrayal, Brokenness, Estrangement, Death

2008-03-26T01:04:00.000-07:00

The events of the last week and a half have caused me to see some things I don’t normally think so much about.

I see the effects of a father’s love withheld and realize how fortunate I am to have the love of the Father who will never fail me. I know my own father loves me, but not at all the way I have wanted or needed him to. I am grateful that I can love him regardless of that. I’m thankful to realize that I cannot control what others do, only how I react to what they do. I think about how important it is that all children have the love of a mother and father if at all possible. I am so thankful that with or without it, we have a God who loves us and can fill any void.

I see the effect of dishonesty and betrayal and realize how blessed I am to know that God is the one who makes honest, faithful men and women out of any of us. I am thankful that some who don’t yet know God through his Son, still listen to the Spirit he has given us to guide us. I am thankful that he has shown me forgiveness for my past and because of that I am able to forgive and extend mercy to those who hurt me. I am thankful that because of God’s love for me, I was finally able to recognize someone who is honest and faithful. I am so grateful that even when people do let us down or die, the God I love will carry us through anything as we rely upon him.

Death is the final equalizer. How often do we wait until it’s come around to rethink things? Why do we wait to forgive until it’s too late? How many of us will put off even considering Jesus at all until the very end, when he has the fullness of life ready and waiting for us right now?

Heartbreak and Hope

2008-03-23T15:31:00.000-07:00

It’s a tough thing to watch your children go through painful experiences. It’s heartbreaking to see them suffer. It’s frustrating not to be able to fix it. But… it is a blessing to be able to be there for them. It is a blessing that even when you don’t know the right words to say or things to do… that just your presence can be a small comfort. It’s amazing and inspiring to see them handle things with self control and maturity beyond their years… far better than I ever handled anything at that age. It’s a comfort to know that they can trust you and talk to you about anything. It’s wonderful to see glimmers of hope in spite of dark turmoil all around. It fills me with peace, joy and hope to know that God will use even these terrible things for good.

Time

2008-03-10T15:41:00.000-07:00

Time is measured by days, weeks or years from one point to another and is calculated by how long it takes for the earth to make a revolution or to complete an orbit around the sun. Time appears to be infinite, but the time we have in this plane of existence definitely is not. No one knows how long it is, but there are a set number of days or years for each of us.

God is not confined by time. For him, a day is like a thousand years and a thousand years is like a day. Time doesn’t matter to him… it doesn’t figure into the equation... and it has little effect on anything in his realm.

Can you imagine? He actually knows what has happened, is happening and will happen. We spend a good majority of our lives concerned with all of this, but God already knows. If time were a line, we are at a point somewhere on that line. The line measures infinitely in front and behind us. We can only see so far behind us and we can only guess at what lies in front of us. God is somewhere outside of this line. He is somewhere so far above it that he can see it in its entirety. In some freaky, otherworldly way, he knows what we will do even before we do it... he knows what will happen before it happens... he could control anything that happens... but in his wisdom and sovereignty chooses not to. Instead, he promises to use it all for our benefit.

Does this mean that our decisions and choices no longer matter? Does this mean that everything is pre-determined? Does this mean we should coast along not worrying about anything because it’s all worked out anyway? That is crazy thinking. Just because God knows how it’s all going to come out does not absolve us of any responsibility for our own actions and decisions. What kind of life would that be? Does it matter that he already knows? The fact that he already knows makes me wonder why on earth he loves me anyway… in spite of all the bad choices and mistakes I’ve made. Knowing that he loves me anyway makes me want to make more good decisions and fewer of the bad.

In the end, there is one decision that matters more than any other… the decision of what to do with his Son... to accept him or reject him. According to God, this choice alone will determine how we spend our ’time’ when the confines of it have been removed… eternity… forever… now that’s a long time.

John 3:36 Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God’s wrath remains on him.

John 14:21 Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.

A Better Question…

2008-03-08T18:31:00.000-08:00

Some would ask… why?

If God is so good, why did he create us with so many faults, problems… even downright evil?

When I think it through, I have to ask what if… what if he created us with the inability to choose right from wrong… good from bad? If we could only make right decisions, would we be what we are? Wouldn’t we be more like puppets on a string? Or robots programmed to do just what our creator wanted? Or would he be like a bad parent, making every decision and controlling us to the point that we never find out who we really are? If that were the case, would we ever know love, joy and peace without hate, sorrow and turmoil? Would we know what it’s like to be free? When I really consider it, I think of a better question.

A better question would be… why?

Why did he give us a choice… and what shows greater love?

All that remains

2008-03-03T22:58:00.000-08:00

Love…
Expectant
Dreamy, impractical
Naïve, inexperienced, untested
Always wishing for more

…Disappears

Love…
Committed
Durable, resilient
Honest, trustworthy, enduring
Ready and willing to sacrifice

…Persists

Love…
Romantic
Flirtatious, exciting
Generous, hopeful, refined
Given for the other

…Emerges

Love…
True
Solid, reliable
Lasting, genuine, stable
Faithful through it all

…Remains

Take the Cake

2008-02-23T15:42:00.000-08:00

Chocolate cake
Sweet, creamy
Moist, delicious
Can you tell?
Not until
You take
A bite

It might be
Dry, grainy
Soggy
Or worse
How will you
Ever know
Until you
Take
A bite

Jesus Christ
Awesome, wonderful
Love personified
Do you know?
Not until
You meet him
For yourself

He might be
Rude, condemning
Boring
Or worse
How will you
Ever know
Until you
Invite
Him in

Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. - Psalm 34:8

God in a Box

2008-02-22T08:08:00.000-08:00

Every time I try to understand or define my God, he comes exploding out of the limitations and the confines of my understanding. I cannot and never will understand his ways… they are so far above mine. I am overwhelmed by his love and not understanding some of his ways will never change that… by the grace of God! Somehow, it doesn't keep me from trying. Lord, help me use my time and energy for something that will further your kingdom instead of trying to figure out how you run it.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding - Proverbs 3:5

Expression

2008-02-22T06:45:00.000-08:00

Laughing face
Lovely smile
Mask the pain
All the while
Vacant eyes
Can't tell lies

She left
He played
They laughed
Betrayed

Different friends
Another man
Change of place
Change of plan
Start the cycle
Over again

She tempted
He lied
They're indifferent
You cried

Getting harder
To keep your face
From giving away
The wretchedness
Inside

Broken pieces
Withered dreams
Angry resentment
Why me?

Lashing out
Thrashing in
Cutting pieces of my skin
Can't hurt you
I'll hurt me

Deep need
Love cries
No answer
Heart dies
What is peace?
Why lies?

Love hurts
So deny
Stifle hunger
Live a lie
I'm okay
Without

Can't take
Another day
Maybe try
A different way

Another friend
Some of old
A new guy
or girl
Guarded heart
Look at me
Work of art

Holding back
In reserve
Give little
They don't deserve
Any more

Empty
Incomplete
Unreal
Dead end street

Is there
Real love
To be found?
Looked up
Down
All around

Seek him
And you will find
A love that will
Never
Be unkind

Love real
Love true
Faithful
Unconditional
Never ending

Ultimate
Expression

A Life
Given
For you

For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. - Matthew 7:8

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. - John 3:16

Picture

2008-02-20T01:05:00.000-08:00

The picture painted by the media of 'Christianity' isn't very accurate. We need to keep in mind that most of the things we see in the news are usually the worst extremes and not the 'norm'. There are 'worst extremes' in every group of people, but they rarely represent the majority. For example, there are people who want God abolished from the country... there are very few of them, but they shout the loudest... get the most attention... and are, unfortunately, getting their way.

What you see:

Ignorance – Hatred – Bigotry – Intolerance – Superiority – Judgment – Cruelty

Examples: 'Christians' marching with hateful signs, nutcases killing people, interviews with obscure 'experts' instead of true experts on any given subject, fanatics who yell or shout, statements or subject matter taken out of context to make it look fanatical, etc. People who spew hate instead of the love and mercy that Christ gave us and told us to share.

This type of 'news' definitely gets better ratings, but does not give a true representation of people who follow Christ.

What Christianity really is but is rarely portrayed in the media:

Love – Joy – Peace – Kindness – Gentleness – Humility – Self Control

Examples: People helping others, people and organizations caring for widows - orphans - and anyone else who has a need, people praying instead of protesting, victims who forgive instead of seeking vengeance, knowledgeable people who state facts and humbly admit that we don't know everything, people loving and encouraging instead of condemning. People who gently point out sinful behavior and the fact that it will cause harm, admitting that they struggle with sin too, instead of berating and acting like they don't ever sin.

Not the stuff that will draw in the big ratings, but a much more accurate portrait of our dismal attempts to 'be like Jesus.'

Of course there are all kinds of 'Christians', in all kinds of churches, at all different phases of learning, and at all different stages misdirection by their leaders. This makes for a very confusing picture of what Christianity should be. If you want the 'real deal'… take a good look at Jesus Christ.

"...Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father." Jesus in John 14:9

One True Love

2008-02-16T01:05:00.000-08:00

I wrote this for my daughters and their friends a while ago. They all got rings that say 'true love waits. ' I thought I'd share it with you.

One True Love

Do you want to wait for your one true love,
the special one chosen by God above?
Or would you rather mess around and play with fire -
flirting with lust, temptation and desire?

Will you give your heart to each guy that comes along,
telling you they love you and it can't be wrong?
If this is what you choose, you will have little more
than a torn and broken heart for the one you long for

Would you like to save yourself for the perfect man?
It won't be easy, but with God's help you can
It starts with Him, no one else is able
to give you the willpower… to keep you stable

Remember He is with you wherever you go
Talk to Him daily and you will know
how much He loves you, how much He cares
how much He is interested in all your affairs

He only has the very best for you in mind
He's the greatest Love you will ever find
He knit you together in your mother's womb
when it comes to your love life, you must presume
that only He can choose the greatest man for you
beyond your wildest dreams, you haven't got a clue!

Seek Him and know Him and someday he may bring
the perfect husband to make your heart sing
But before he gives one who fits you like a glove
He'd like for you to know about His perfect love
It's waiting there for you, just reach out and take it
If you know His love, no one else can fake it

Take Him in your heart, in Him you can confide
He wants to support you and be your guide
He'll help you avoid being led off course,
falling for lies, peer pressure and worse

If you've already fallen and made a big mistake
You need Him even more, for your broken heart's sake
He wants to forgive you and heal your wounds
He's waiting to help you and wants it to be soon

Jesus loves you so much, you are special to Him
Not a shallow love like a fling or a whim
A love so deep that He would die for you
And that's what He did because all along He knew
That in this broken world full of trouble and strife
One day you would need Him and want Him in your life

"I have loved you with an everlasting love…" Jeremiah 31:3

Toe Jam

2008-02-08T18:02:00.000-08:00

and we thought it was hard to play with our hands...

James 1:2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

Man in a Hole

2008-01-30T02:43:00.000-08:00

This video makes me cry. I’m so glad to have been drug out of the hole and into the light.

Just Stop and Think

2008-01-28T09:16:00.000-08:00

White Water

2007-12-09T16:50:00.000-08:00

I grew up in Hawaii. I love the ocean. I spent years playing in the big blue Pacific... splashing around in shallow calm waters, building sandcastles and looking for shells and stuff, walking in tidal pools and checking out all the creatures that live there, snorkeling in reefs filled with colorful fish and every other kind of creature you can imagine, diving and holding my breath as long as I could to see as much as I could see, watching waves crashing on the shore, body surfing, riding long boards, sailing, canoeing, boogie boarding, sand boarding, etc. The thing I miss the most about Hawaii is the ocean.

My sister and I used to take the Beach Bus from our house to some of the nicer beaches with bigger waves. It was free and the bus was always filled with all kinds of interesting (and sometimes rough looking) people. We would take our lunch and a couple of towels and spend the whole day at the beach. I loved to body surf and usually when we went, the waves were about 3-6 feet. I was learning a lot and getting pretty good at it. I didn't have any fins or any other gear, but I would paddle like crazy and manage to catch a lot of waves. Some of the locals (big Hawaiian/Samoan surfers) used to say 'right on' to me (scrawny haole – meaning white – girl) meaning good job or nice try.

One day when we were there, the surf was a lot bigger than usual. The radio on the beach bus said 6-10 feet. It looked very intimidating to me, but I couldn't stay out of it. I remember watching and waiting. I was trying to get the timing down. Surfing is a lot about timing. It's really important when you are trying to catch a wave, but it is even more so when you are trying to make it back out to the swells through the crashing surf. The swells that create the waves come in a timed rhythm. They are called sets. As I watched, I was learning the approximate timing of the sets and the slight lull between them when the waves weren't so big, so I could make it out past the roaring, foaming, churning breakers.

At the end of a set, I ran into the surf and swam like crazy. I saw a large swell coming at me and stood up in the shallow water that is left as the rest rushes out to join the swell. I ran toward the wave and dove straight at it just before it crashed over my head. I kept swimming and finally, I was out past the breakers. I floated out there for a long time watching the waves go by. I wondered how I was going to get back in to shore without getting killed. I was afraid, but I was also charged with adrenaline because I knew I had to do it. Finally, I chose a swell and swam for it with all I had. I caught the wave and rode it all the way to shore. When you catch a wave right and ride it well, it takes you gently in to the shore. I was stoked! I rode my first 'big' wave. I couldn't wait to get out there and catch the next one.

I don't know how many I rode before making my first mistake. I caught a big wave at the wrong time and place and I went over the falls. This is a bad place to be. It means that you have positioned yourself in the wrong place on the wave and you fall down the face of the wave to be thrown down head-first and slammed by the rest of the crashing wave. When this happens, there's no backing out. You have no choice but to ride in the churning, rolling white water until, hopefully, you make it to shore. I was pounded on the bottom over and over into the sand that felt like concrete. The water held me under and rolled me until I didn't even know which way was up. Just when I thought I was going to die like this, I was shoved up for a chance at a breath of air only to be pounded back under again. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, I crawled out of the surf and back to the safety of the shore. I remember lying in the sun, so glad I made it out of there and swearing I would never go back in again.

After about 20 minutes I was ready to go back. I caught a bunch more waves before becoming completely exhausted and deciding that maybe I should quit. I sat on the beach for a long time, watching the surf. It can be mesmerizing. There are things like small pieces of driftwood or seaweed floating in the water and I would pick out a particular piece and watch it. I would actually even try to get it when it came close to shore, but it was always sucked back out, pounded around some more and rolled back toward shore. Every time I would wait, thinking maybe it would come close enough to shore for me to grab it, but it was always sucked back out before making it to the shore.

The other day I realized how much of my life I had spent like that piece of driftwood. I was just floating along on the ocean of life. I had no plan or purpose. I was carried along by whatever wave happened to come along, sent crashing through the turbulent white water, to be sucked back out and have it happen all over again. Sometimes I acted more like a living thing than a piece of driftwood… sometimes I actually tried to swim over here or over there thinking that's where I should go… but I was always caught by those waves and the whole process started over again. I didn't know that just out past the breakers, was a whole ocean that was deeper, calmer and clearer than the white-water I was floundering around in. I didn't know that I could reach out and take hold of an anchor that would hold me fast against any storm that came raging in. I didn't know how lost and adrift I was until I was safely moored in this ocean of life by the Anchor that will never break loose. Now I can explore and enjoy the ocean of life with the security of being solidly anchored and never have to fear what might be headed my way.