Fruit Salad

I'm volunteering at the local homeless shelter now and I love it. Kiwis (see previous post) fit in very well there. I've met so many wonderful people and they don't seem to have expectations that I'll never be able to meet. It's refreshing... kind of like fruit salad. It's sad sometimes when the world seems less judgmental than the church.

Fruit

All this business about fruit can be really perplexing. If you are a ‘good Christian’, ‘growing in the Lord’ you will ‘produce fruit’. The Bible is very specific about this fruit “Galatians 5:22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control”. Seems pretty straightforward doesn't it?

Unfortunately, there are some who want to more specifically define ‘fruit’, insisting upon specific ‘signs’ of a fruitful Christian. Here are a few examples:

1. You will attend church every Sunday

2. You will attend Bible study at least twice a week

3. You will tithe regularly

4. You will attend every prayer meeting and pray Spirit led prayers out loud

5. You will spout Bible verses in every sentence.

6. You will appear at every church gathering with a happy countenance, never tired, frustrated, or emotionally affected in any way other than joy, joy, joy.

7. You will have a ‘servant heart’ also further defined as: you will automatically clean toilets, empty trash cans and various other ‘servant hearted activities’

I know you can help me expand the list.

Now, some of these are perfectly good and reasonable expectations to a certain degree, but when they become some sort of litmus test to qualify or disqualify you for any kind of service, it seems a little perilous. I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I could ever perfectly live up to this list. I’m a 46 year old mother of 10 children. I’ve been a mom for 28 years, and I still have five children at home. The youngest is five, so I have quite a few years to go. The other day I looked up and noticed that cobwebs had grown all over the house without my even noticing. I wash my windows about once every two years and my whole bathroom would probably glow in a UV light. I would never notice that the church bathroom is a little dirty… compared to mine, it sparkles.

Sometimes I feel like I’m a kiwi vine and someone is trying to make me into a peach tree. No matter how I try, I cannot produce peaches. Are my kiwis going to rot on the vine because everyone wants peaches? Is it because they are brown and furry? Don’t they realize that peaches are furry too? Kiwi skin might be a little tough, but it serves a purpose. Kiwi fruit is a weird color, but it is packed with vitamins and nutrition and it tastes good. Wouldn’t it would be a shame to let it rot on the vine? What kind of fruit are you? Is your fruit ‘popular’?

I’m starting to wonder if maybe some can’t see the forest for the trees… especially when they’re only looking for peach trees.

Fear of Commitment?

Maybe you’re thinking ‘man with cold feet’. I could only wish. If it were, at this stage in my life, I’d be able to recognize that as something I don’t need and move on. As it is, my husband is the most committed person I’ve ever known, so… you guessed it… it’s me.

I seem to be having trouble committing to anything. Maybe I’ve been out of the loop too long. I’ve been a stay at home mom for the last five and a half years. I have plenty of responsibility, but somehow, now that some of it has been freed up (my youngest has now entered the annals of education), I can’t seem to make decisions regarding whatever God might want me to do with my life. I haven’t turned anything down, but I’ve had some ideas that I haven’t taken action on. Part of me (the insecure part) wonders if this is some kind of weakness. The other (more prideful) part of me says ‘No way, I’ve committed to plenty of things… I’m just waiting for the right one.’ Then, the good part of me (guess who) says ‘just be’.

I thought that by now I’d be involved in full time ministry. I’ve prayed for years and I had great dreams and expectations (oops), but it turns out that God has other plans. Part of me (the fear of commitment part) wonders if he only wanted me to help get something started and that I should now move on to whatever he has next. The other (more stubborn) part of me believes that I was called to this and nothing and no one is going to run me away from it. Then, the better part of me (yep, him again) tells me to wait and he will guide me either way. I’m not good at waiting.

Sometimes I wonder if that guy in the red suit with a pitchfork (oh wait… that’s not what he looks like at all is it?) is running around orchestrating others’ weaknesses, problems, and such to work right in with my own to cause delays. Can he use people’s inability to communicate and or listen to create giant misunderstanding? Does he take another person’s insecurity and use it to feed my own? Does he arrange for our natural territorial instincts to spill over into areas where they don’t belong? (I can just hear an evil little laugh as he goes about his work.) Man, I sure would love to be able to blame it all on someone.

Since I’ve had plenty of time to think about it, I’ve come to the conclusion that fear of commitment may be a part of my problem. In the past when problems have come up my answer has been ‘well, I guess this is not the ministry I belong in.’ At first, there were some good reasons for it, but now I am part of a good, Bible-based church with people who love God with all their heart and soul and love all of us, and yet I find myself having similar issues for very different reasons.

As I’ve matured (slightly), I’ve realized that when the same type of difficulty occurs in different places with different people, I must have at least some part in it… maybe a big part. This one has been perplexing though. I persistently search my heart and motives and ask God to do the same and I continue to come up blank. This is one of the most difficult situations I’ve been in that seems to have no reason to be difficult at all. Although I’ve been hurt I choose to forgive, but I don’t seem to be able to get out of the self-protective mode I am in. I want to trust, but I don’t feel safe even when I think I should. Part of me (the insecure part) thinks it’s all me and I need to force myself to do what I don’t feel comfortable doing. Every time I try, it doesn’t happen… I don’t think you can force something like that. Even though I’m willing, it’s doesn’t seem to be happening. Part of me (the more prideful part) wonders if there is a good reason for it, maybe I really do need to protect myself. Then, the best part of me (yep, him again) tells me to be committed… committed to him and he will guide me. There’s no fear in that commitment.

Psalm 37:5 Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: 6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

A Hobby or Something More

My husband has had many hobbies. He switches them often and I kid him that he changes hobbies like a woman changes her purse. Whatever the current pursuit is, he sets out to learn everything he can about it. It seems that when he has learned as much as he can and it ceases to be a challenge for him, or it becomes too expensive, dangerous, or both, he moves on to something else. Golf, woodworking, home improvement, sport bikes, quads, go-carts, dirt bikes have all gone by the wayside. He’ll pick them back up occasionally, but never again like when he first got interested in any particular hobby.

A few years ago he picked up a guitar. Playing it has become much more than a hobby. He loves it. I don’t think it will ever cease to challenge him. He studied and learned so much and even built two of his own guitars. He has tried to explain it all to me… fret boards, intonation, chords, harmonics, scales, etc. but I just don’t get it. I know what those things are, but I don’t know how to use the information to do what I would love to do.

I love music. I would love to be able to play guitar. There is a deep rooted desire in my heart to do that and it’s been there since I was a child. For some reason, I won’t do what it takes to learn about what I’d really love to know. I kind of get it, but I will never understand music like Joe does because first, he was determined to learn all he could and then, when he began to understand, he set aside time to practice daily whenever possible so he could get better at it.

It’s kind of like this with God. I think we all have that deep rooted desire in our soul, first to know if he is real and if he is, to actually get to know him… but we don’t do anything about it. We may wonder about him, talk about him and maybe even learn a little, but until we have a serious commitment to finding out and then setting aside time to ‘practice’ daily, we will never know Him like we could. It’s troubling that we can do that with what is actually the most important thing we will ever need to know.

One thing we can be certain of… when we begin to do something about this desire, we will never cease to be amazed. God is deeper and wider than any earthly thing we can imagine. We will be rewarded in ways we never dreamed of and seeking him will bring satisfaction that can never be found in any other endeavor.

1 Corinthians 2:9 However, as it is written: "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him"— 10 but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit.

Ephesians 3:16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18 may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19 and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Election

This election proves that the racial barriers are coming down in this country, and for that I am so very thankful. Please pray for and support our new President.

Phillipians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Romans 13:1 Everyone must submit to governing authorities. For all authority comes from God, and those in positions of authority have been placed there by God.

1 Timothy 2:1 I urge you, first of all, to pray for all people. Ask God to help them; intercede on their behalf, and give thanks for them. 2 Pray this way for kings and all who are in authority so that we can live peaceful and quiet lives marked by godliness and dignity.

If you miss the boat, it just might be the wrong boat…

The other day, I got a call from a friend that I hadn't seen for a while. She told me she had some things she wanted to talk to me about. We were tentatively planning to have lunch together the next day. That morning, I started working on cleaning the garage. When she called, I was in a precarious position hanging somewhere above the weight bench trying to reach some stuff for donating that was stuffed behind it. The phone doesn't work in the garage, so I told the kids to tell her I'd call her back… and promptly forgot all about it. I didn't remember until later that afternoon when the phone rang and it was her. It was too late by then because she had some other things she had to do. I apologized and we talked about getting together on Thursday.

After we hung up, I set about lambasting myself for not dropping everything and going. To make matters worse, lately, I've been pretty good about remembering that I need to see interruptions as opportunities and this felt like a setback. I was also moaning and groaning in frustration over forgetting important things like that (which I seem to do often). I even worried a little that she may have really needed to talk to me and that I had failed her. I mentioned it during Bible study that evening saying I probably missed an opportunity that God had given me… and then I forgot about it (I told you I do it often).

Thursday rolled around and my friend called. She had already eaten dinner, so we decided to just go for coffee. She picked me up and as we were debating on where to go, I asked her how her cousin (who has been through the wringer lately) was doing. She said it had been really rough and that maybe we should go and see her. We picked up three coffees and drove to her place. We spent the whole evening talking, listening and praying with her. Later, as she prayed, she thanked God for our friendship and that we had come.

Sometimes, even when I think I've messed everything up, I am exactly where God wants me to be. If I hadn't missed the lunch date earlier in the week, I'm sure we would not have been where we were needed more that night. It made me realize how many times I forget that it doesn't all depend on me and it made me grateful that when I ask and desire to be and do what God wants, he will help me.

Psalm 31:3 Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me.

Will I Ever Learn?

When we lived in Colorado, we were out hiking one day and stopped to have a picnic lunch by a river. This river was always swift, but it was in the spring, and the runoff from the mountains had turned it into a violent, raging mass of water. My two oldest boys, Justin 16, and Travis 12, had my sister's air mattress out of her truck and were talking about putting it in the river. I remember telling them that it wasn't a good idea, that they had no clue about the power of that water and how it could sweep them away in no time, not to mention how cold it was.

The next thing I knew, they had gone down to the edge and launched the queen sized air mattress into the water. The raft started down the river with the two of them on it. I know they could feel the power of the river and immediately realized their mistake because of the look of sheer terror on their faces. Justin grabbed a low hanging tree branch to try to stop the raft. He was trying to keep the raft under him with his feet and legs but it was useless. It continued down the river with Travis on it and Justin was left hanging by the branch in the middle of the river. I shouted directions to him from the bank (let go… feet first… hands behind your head) as we tried to follow Travis down the river. The growth along the bank was thick and we weren't moving fast enough. Travis and the raft disappeared around the bend.

As I turned back, I saw that Justin had let go of the branch. I kept yelling instructions to him from the bank, but I doubt that he could hear anything with the roar of the water. He couldn't even stand up because the current was so strong. Incredibly, he made his way to the opposite bank before he had gone out of sight. I had no idea what to do about Travis. I was terrified for him, but there was nothing I could do but pray. I ran back up the river and across the bridge to make sure Justin was okay and see if there were any phones or people in the parking area over there. I felt so helpless. The feeling of dread and thoughts of all the things that could happen to Travis were overwhelming. They were soon relieved as I saw him on the other side of the river, coming up through the brush. Somehow, he also had made it out alive.

I am so thankful the outcome wasn't worse that day and that we can look back on it and laugh. I think maybe both boys learned a valuable lesson... a lesson we all need to learn over and over again. It's funny how we refuse to listen to those who love us the most… those who always have our best interests in mind and only want to keep us from harm. I am a grown woman and still have trouble with it. I refuse to listen to my husband or even God sometimes. I know I can trust them both yet, at times, I refuse to listen. I should know better by now. Will I ever learn?

Proverbs 1:5 let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance