Masks

Throughout my life, I've worn many masks. Here are a few that I could identify. I'm sure I've worn more, but these are the ones that come to mind.

Mystery: When I was younger… I didn't know much. For a very short time, I sort of realized it and somehow knew that it would be better to keep quiet. Then, at least people might wonder, instead of opening my mouth and removing all doubt. I wish I would have kept this mask on a lot longer. It would be useful, even today.

Happy Face: As life progressed and I experienced more and more pain, betrayal, rejection and abandonment, I put on the Happy Face. I had a killer smile that could cover up all the turmoil inside. I laughed and acted so carefree that few knew how messed up I was. I surrounded myself in a whirlwind of entertaining people and activities to help keep this Mask on as long as I could.

Martyr: During both the Happy Face and the next Tough Cynic phase, there were times when I was so wounded that I couldn't keep those masks intact so I put on the Martyr. Although I was as much a part of my problems as anyone, I would focus on others failures and play the Martyr. It was easy to justify it with all the dysfunction I placed myself in the middle of and I played it well… not too pathetic and helpless, but definitely appealing to the sympathy of those around me and justifying everything in my own mind. Maybe if I weren't so good at it, I would have gotten what I really needed… for someone to let me know without a doubt that my own choices were the cause of almost all of my problems.

Tough Cynic: It became more and more difficult to pretend. I could only escape into the Martyr for short periods and the Happy Face was cracking. I began to expect the worst in everything. I gave up hope, trust, and anything else that required me to put myself in the path of more emotional harm. To make it appear that this was not as devastating as it truly is, I covered with sarcastic humor and a toughness that came naturally, out of necessity for survival.

Today I rarely wear a mask. I'm sure that I fall back behind them momentarily, but I don't stay there too long. I'm glad they finally became old, worn out and practically useless which led me to being fully covered and redeemed by the grace that I needed all along.

Middle Child

I spent my life in proximity
Seeing things
I couldn't conceive
Ever happened to me

Younger sibling
Much adored
Time and attention
Boundless love

Older sibling
Depended on
Needed, heeded
Helpful and more

From my view
It seems to be
That no one needs
Or cares about me

Kind words and gentle touch
The very thing I need so much
I resist, refuse, I can't believe
That they truly care for me

Insecurity, resentment
Anger grows
I push away the offerings
Of the things I desperately need

Those pushed away
Don't realize, can't understand
And in their eyes, only see
A need for more discipline

What I really need is unconditional love
Help to understand that I have had
The very things I can't believe
Were ever in the plan for me

Down Your Throat

I talked to Justin (my oldest son) this morning. He was sitting on the beach in Panama City, Florida watching lightning flash over the beach as the sun rose. We talked about his buddy's wedding (the reason he is there), the recent flooding and his brother (who I just saw yesterday) among other things. The conversation wandered to the reasons for some of the seemingly terrible things that happen in our lives. We agreed that whatever it is, God is able to use it for a good purpose in our lives and that we would try to remember that and remind others.

Then the conversation fell into 'religion' and Justin expressed revulsion when people try to "shove it down your throat". I feel a little defensive and worried when I hear this expression... I made a feeble attempt to explain that people mean well and that it's funny because when Jesus becomes the most important thing in your life, he naturally becomes the main thing you talk about... everyone does it, but not many are deeply offended when you talk about your children, job or football team... it's different with Christ and he warned us that it would be. John 15:18"If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first… 21They will treat you this way because of my name, for they do not know the One who sent me.

I also asked if I ever did that to him. He said no, and that he would let me know if I ever did. I was relieved, but when we got off the phone, it occurred to me that I left out something very important. Not only do we want to share Christ with everyone because of the wonderful thing he has done for us and in us... we are supposed to make him known. The last thing he did before he went to the cross was to stress over and over to love him and love each other so people would know. Unfortunately, sometimes we try to tell people about Him without demonstrating love at all. We mean well, but no one can really hear the 'good news' unless real love goes along with it. He left us an example to follow and sometimes we don't do it very well. If we did it like he did, we would automatically make him known. If we learned from him, we wouldn't mess it up so bad. No matter how badly we mess it up, you should know that he is much better than us.

Here it is straight from the horse's mouth...

Jesus repeatedly commanded us to remain in him:

John 15:4Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. 5"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. 6If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. 7If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. 8This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

So we can love each other:

John 15:9"As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. 10If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. 11I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. 12My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

And make him known by his example:

John 17:20"My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 21that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. 22I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: 23I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. 24"Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world. 25"Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. 26I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them."

Lord, help us be like that so we can make you known.