Ministers of Reconciliation

Last Tuesday, we went to a Pastor’s Conference. They are great because you get to hear a lot of different pastors teach, and they were all good. One of them talked about how we are all ministers of reconciliation. I learned a lot and I know it will help me deal with some areas in my own life where reconciliation hasn’t been so great.

The next morning, as I began to review what I learned, I decided I needed a more exact definition of the word ‘reconcile’. I looked it up in Microsoft Word’s thesauruses and it gave me these synonyms: settle, put right, bring together, square, reunite, resolve, merge, patch up.

Then I went to Google (what did I ever do without a computer?):

Webster’s defined it this way:
1. to restore to friendship or harmony
2. to make consistent or congruous
3. to cause to submit to or accept something unpleasant
4. a: to check (a financial account) against another for accuracy b: to account for

Dictionary.com gave me this:
1. to cause (a person) to accept or be resigned to something not desired: He was reconciled to his fate.
2. to win over to friendliness; cause to become amicable: to reconcile hostile persons.
3. to bring into agreement or harmony; make compatible or consistent: to reconcile differing statements; to reconcile accounts.
4. to reconsecrate (a desecrated church, cemetery, etc.).
5. to restore (an excommunicate or penitent) to communion in a church.

Reconcile means to bring together, to restore and make things right, in this context. Next, I asked myself: Am I a minister of reconciliation? Am I willing to do what it takes to be the person who is instrumental in making things right? Sometimes it’s easy… I realize when I’m wrong, admit it to myself and to God and others if I need to, ask for forgiveness, do what I can to make it right and usually it’s a done deal. Sometimes it is more difficult, especially when these efforts don’t seem to work or you don’t even know what you’ve done wrong. If I’ve been hurt it can be even harder. All my messed up feelings and emotions get in the way and my need to be vindicated can keep me stubborn and prideful and then I’m anything but a minister of reconciliation.

What ‘tools’ do we need for reconciliation?

Prayer: I had to put this one in here, because even though I think it’s a given, there may be times that we forget to pray. Not my will but yours Lord… I need to pray it… and mean it.

Forgiveness: This is probably one of the toughest things about reconciliation at times. I need to let go of all the negative feelings that have resulted from my being hurt. I have to remember that I am forgiven and forgive as I have been forgiven.

Humility/Self-Examination: Sometimes it’s hard to admit where I am wrong. What may be even harder is NOT caring about how the other person may be wrong… I can’t change that. I can only be concerned about my part in the whole thing. This can uncover deeper rooted problems in my own heart like pride, bitterness or pain. I have to continually check with God, asking him to show me these things. When I see it, confess it and ask him to help, he will take what he shows me and change it for the better.

Love: The greatest of these is love. Even if I don’t have the ability, Jesus can take my willingness to love and make it into something real. Love covers over all wrongs. I must choose to love.

Grace: I learned, after I became a parent, that I need to give people the benefit of the doubt. I made so many mistakes that hurt my children even though I would never dream of hurting them intentionally. I decided quite a while ago that people are usually just doing the best they can. I can never be sure about their motives or reasons, but I can believe the best. My cousin reminded me of this when she shared something that had been passed on to her. She said “Love believes all things (another translation of I Cor 13). This means that in the absence of evidence to the contrary, if you have 10 possible explanations about why someone does something, and 9 are evil, and one is good, believe the one good thing”. Now that’s good advice. She went on to talk about how we shouldn’t be naïve and allow ourselves to be hurt further, but it’s always good to believe that another’s intentions are somehow good. I’ve found that in most cases they are.

Communication/Trust: At first, I thought if I can’t communicate with someone, for whatever reasons, reconciliation can’t happen. There have been times when it seems like every time I get close to being able to communicate with someone, the circumstances aren’t right. There may be other people around or the timing or occasion makes it very inappropriate. There have been times when I try the direct route and ask, ‘Can we talk?’, and it doesn’t happen. I pray and ask the Lord to help make it happen, and consistently, when I am ready, nothing else is. That’s when I have to wonder if it’s somehow God’s timing. Maybe he is the one keeping me from trying to get to the heart of the matter. Maybe the other person isn’t ready. Maybe he is preparing and making a way, even before I am able to.

How can I communicate with someone if trust isn’t there? There have been times when everything I said was taken wrong or twisted into something I never meant. Then, badly hurt by a person’s judgment and rejection, I am afraid to communicate because of being misunderstood in the past. It’s hard to try to reconcile with someone when you know they may not hear you correctly and you feel like you need a witness to any conversation. Now what? Sometimes it seems hopeless! Here is a verse from 1 Peter that really helps… and this is what I want to try to do. 1 Peter 2:12 Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbors (or anyone!). Then even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honorable behavior, and they will give honor to God when he judges the world. I know I can trust God through all of it.

Action: I’m finding that if I can’t communicate, action is a great substitute. If I’m willing to ask Jesus ‘What can I do?’, and actually do it, I can’t go wrong. He may put some crazy idea in my head and I have to be ready to do it! Sometimes that crazy 'nice' thing I don't really want to do for someone who has been anything but nice to me can cause everything to work out. I can go ahead and do loving things toward someone even if I can’t communicate with them.

Wait: When I can’t communicate and action doesn’t seem to be making any head way… when I’ve used all these ‘tools’ and nothing seems to happen, what else can I do? Doing all these things may or may not lead to reconciliation between two people, but it will surely leave my heart reconciled to God. Unfortunately, it isn’t always easy. Sometimes there is no answer. That’s when I always assume I need to wait, and waiting can be even harder than doing something.

Faith: I believe it will all work out… no matter how long it takes… I believe it will… because I believe in Jesus!

Jesus is the perfect Minister of Reconciliation. He is the one who restores us and brings us into friendship and harmony with God and with each other. He has reconciled our entire selfish, rebellious race of humanity to himself and to the Father. He was willing to do whatever it took to make reconciliation happen. The King of the Universe came down, took on human skin, limitations and vulnerability, giving up his rights and even his life, so that we could be reconciled to him. Even worse, I believe he bore the consequences, sorrow, pain and grief of our sin. He made a way, where there seemed to be no way. He did whatever it took. Oh Lord, make me like you.


Quilt/collage by Ellen Lindner - Adventure Quilter. Check it out at http://www.adventurequilter.com/