Have you ever tried to love a porcupine?

photo by Amy Fraser

The porcupine uses its quills for defense. The quills lie flat until the porcupine feels threatened. A porcupine cannot shoot its quills, but when a predator approaches, the porcupine will turn its back, raise its quills and lash out at the threat with its tail. A porcupine is not an aggressive animal. It will only attack if it is threatened… but when it does, you better not be too close.

Have you ever met a person like this? Loving them can be very painful. Things may be going along just fine and then, when you least expect it, the person perceives some kind of threat and the ‘quills’ go up and the tail starts swinging. If you’re standing too close, you’re bound to get hurt.

Loving this kind of person can be difficult. Getting close can be frightening. Repeated attacks may even make you want to stay far away. Only an idiot would continue to go back for more… right?

That’s not the way Jesus sees it. Here’s a little bit of his wisdom on the matter:

Matthew 18 21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" 22 Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Matthew 5 43 "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' 44 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?

Luke 6 27 "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29 If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. 30 Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31 Do to others as you would have them do to you.

32 "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. 35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

Sounds kind of masochistic doesn’t it? How can he expect us to do these hard things? Why would he ask us to live this way? To answer this question, we have to go back to what he has done for us.

Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

He didn’t wait for us to get all straightened out before he loved us, and he wants us to return the favor to others.

John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

It doesn’t seem quite as much to ask now… does it? There are times when we have to love at arms length, so we don’t continue to get wounded… but we can still love. Sometimes loving someone is full of risk, but Jesus didn’t count the cost… why should we?

It always comes down to love…

As I go through life, seeking God and doing my best to live for him, I learn so much. I always learn the most from the painful experiences Sometimes I get an image in my mind, about how things should go and then reality comes crashing in. When things don’t go the way I expect them to, for whatever reasons, I am usually hurt. I hoped to be accepted and I was rejected, I wished to be a part of something and I am told not to be… and it is painful. Opportunities come, and I am continually passed over, not chosen to participate in any way, and it makes me feel like something is wrong with me and that hurts.

What does it hurt? Some would say it’s my pride. Some would say be humble. This is what I pray about and strive for… humility. Being hurt, whether it’s my pride or just plain being hurt can cause many different reactions: anger, sorrow, grief, self-pity. I know these reactions are not good, and as soon as I realize it, I try to make the decision to turn those negative reactions into something much more constructive, like forgiveness, joy, hope and assurance. As long as I choose the right thing, and I am willing and ask for help, I know Jesus will help me do the rest. Sometimes it is slow and painful, but it’s better than staying in all that junk.

There are other things that go along with these attempts of mine to correct my bad reactions. There is a burning desire to do what I feel God has called me to do that cannot be quenched. If I can’t do it where I thought I was supposed to, I must wait… or see if God has other avenues for me. When he does, that is a great outlet. It helps me deal with much of the frustration and pain. Waiting is hard. There is also the pain that comes from being rejected and misunderstood. It hurts when it is obvious that someone perceives you as a threat when all you want to do is help. It is even harder when you are treated like and told something is wrong with you, but the other person cannot or will not communicate with you to work through any of it.

These are tough things to deal with and when they happen, I have to remember that Jesus always accepts me… I am never rejected by him… and that is where I find peace. I also know that he can make even these tough things into something good.

As I deal with these issues, I learn so much about how I need to treat others. Every word I say, every choice I make, every time I include or exclude someone, it affects them. We all have this insecurity in us from past rejection. The way we are treated or how we treat others either drives a wedge, compounding the negative effects of being rejected, or heals, drawing us closer because of love. I’m beginning to believe that every weakness or fault we perceive in others somehow comes from a lack of love… and only love can help. Love does not reject. Love is unconditional. If we want to treat others well, it always comes down to love.

In a perfect world, a broken heart is always healed.


1 Corinthians 13
Love
1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Loving…

Loving and being loved by my children makes me want to…

teach them to have fun and be who they are
share in their triumph, fear, joy and heartache
firmly but gently discipline when they make mistakes
see them grow up into men and women
know all about them

So I will… be a better mom

Loving and being loved by my husband makes me want to…

take part in his hobbies and interests
share his thoughts and dreams
forgive him whenever he does something wrong
encourage him in all he does
know everything about him

So I will… be a better wife

Loving and being loved by my God makes me want to…

learn every thing I can about him
be honest with him about my hopes and fears
talk to him when I make mistakes
trust him and be more like him
know him more every day of my life

So I will… be a better person