In the Name of Love

Our well intentioned caution might make someone feel like an outcast

Our expectations will likely leave a person feeling like they are not good enough

Our selectivity may destroy another’s sense of value or belonging

Our critical attitude can cause anguish to a soul

Our restrictions could crush a hopeful, joyful spirit

Our words can tear a heart to shreds


And we say we do it all... in the name of love.

Through The Way Things Appear

The other day, a friend and I went to the local women’s fitness club to try it out. My spare tire has gone from a ten speed bicycle tire to a motorcycle tire in a few short months of winter, sitting around with nothing to do but eat. I don’t want it to become a tractor tire, so I figure I better do something about it, and a free week at the club just might get me started. We went in and had to do a fitness assessment before we could work on the machines. We could see the women working out... all shapes, sizes and ages. Most were quite a bit older than me and a few were heavier than I am. I kept glancing in their direction and mostly because of their appearance, I was thinking ‘this going to be too easy’ and ‘is this going to be challenging enough?' I thought I was in pretty good shape physically… except for that spare tire, anyway.

Our interview ended and the instructor led us out to show us how to use the machines. They are arranged in a circle and you only have to stay at each ‘station’ for thirty seconds. First there is a strength building machine and between each one is a board for walking or jogging in place. We started around the 'circuit'. We weren’t going very fast because we were following the instructor as she demonstrated each machine for us. About half way around is a station that measures your heart rate. When I got to it, I was already starting to sweat and even feeling a little light headed. The instructor checked the rate and told me it was high and that I should slow down a little. By the time I made it to the machine the second time, my heart was really going. A couple of times I felt like I might pass out and I was having a hard time at each machine even though it was only thirty seconds. I was sweating and probably looked like a woman in labor. So much for thinking I’m in pretty good shape… so much for thinking this was easy.

It’s funny how seeing things from a different ‘angle’ can give you a whole new perspective. I had been on the outside looking in. I was making determinations based on my own ideas and perceptions. I was making judgments without actually knowing much of anything at all… and boy was I wrong.

How often do we do this in life? How many times do we look at a person and think we know all about them because of a few things we see on the outside? How many times do we take those ideas and make them into some kind of reality in our head, never really taking the time to find out the truth? How many times do we take these preconceived ideas and interject those ideas into what people say, making it mean what we think it means instead of caring enough to find out? If we would take time to get ‘on the inside’ we might find out that things look a lot different.

I’m glad God’s not like that. He knows. He can see past the outer roughness, weakness, or whatever else we may seem to be on the outside. He knows the inside. He knows the heart. He knows the good and the bad and he loves us. He encourages us in what is good and forgives what is bad. He is full of mercy and grace. I want to be like that.

1 Samuel 16:7(b) The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

Romans 14:13 Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way.

Can’t Stand the Pain

This world is full of trouble. One thing is sure, we cannot avoid it. Eventually it will creep up on everyone and we never know what form it will take… health problems, finances, loss of loved ones… the list is endless. We can take all the precautions in the world and still, trouble will find us. When trouble comes our way, it’s usually painful… sometimes it is so painful no one on this earth can help.

My sister is living through this. The loss of her son has shaken her to the very core of her being. Pain is a constant companion. There are times when it eases some, but then overwhelms her again. It affects everything she experiences… magnifying things somehow. She hangs on to the hope she has in Christ and does her best to keep her eyes on him, but it is hard. I can’t stand it. All I can do is pray, and although I trust that there is great power in that, I wish I could do more. I want to help, but I know there is really nothing I can do or say that is going to ease her pain. It distresses me and my heart cries out for help as she mourns and cries out in grief.

I take comfort that those cries are heard. I believe they are not only heard, but the only One who CAN help is at work. I’m thankful for that… and thankful that my sister trusts in him too… even in her pain.

Romans 8:26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.

Have you ever tried to love a porcupine?

photo by Amy Fraser

The porcupine uses its quills for defense. The quills lie flat until the porcupine feels threatened. A porcupine cannot shoot its quills, but when a predator approaches, the porcupine will turn its back, raise its quills and lash out at the threat with its tail. A porcupine is not an aggressive animal. It will only attack if it is threatened… but when it does, you better not be too close.

Have you ever met a person like this? Loving them can be very painful. Things may be going along just fine and then, when you least expect it, the person perceives some kind of threat and the ‘quills’ go up and the tail starts swinging. If you’re standing too close, you’re bound to get hurt.

Loving this kind of person can be difficult. Getting close can be frightening. Repeated attacks may even make you want to stay far away. Only an idiot would continue to go back for more… right?

That’s not the way Jesus sees it. Here’s a little bit of his wisdom on the matter:

Matthew 18 21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" 22 Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Matthew 5 43 "You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' 44 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. 46 For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?

Luke 6 27 "But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29 If someone strikes you on one cheek, turn to him the other also. If someone takes your cloak, do not stop him from taking your tunic. 30 Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31 Do to others as you would have them do to you.

32 "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. 35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

Sounds kind of masochistic doesn’t it? How can he expect us to do these hard things? Why would he ask us to live this way? To answer this question, we have to go back to what he has done for us.

Romans 5:8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

He didn’t wait for us to get all straightened out before he loved us, and he wants us to return the favor to others.

John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

It doesn’t seem quite as much to ask now… does it? There are times when we have to love at arms length, so we don’t continue to get wounded… but we can still love. Sometimes loving someone is full of risk, but Jesus didn’t count the cost… why should we?

Faith vs. Belief

Most of the people I know believe in God. There are a few exceptions, but if asked, the majority would say yes, they believe there is a God. For years, I said I ‘believed’, but it didn’t really matter to me. I had no idea what God was like and I honestly didn’t really care. I cried out to him when I was in trouble, but for the most part, beyond that, I didn’t think of him much.

I remember asking him once, if he was real, to please show me. I had some vague general ideas about him, and believed that I was a basically ‘good’ person. I could always find someone who I thought of as ‘worse’ than myself, and I figured if he was going to decide who could get into Heaven and who would be left out, I was a shoe in. I was a severe skeptic when it came to ‘religion’. I believed they were all schemes of man, designed to make money and I didn’t want anything to do with any of it. I supposed there were ‘good’ Catholics, Protestants, Buddhists, Hindu, Muslims, etc. and the ‘good’ ones would go to Heaven. I never really thought through the problems of what I believed. I never really thought through much of anything… but in my mind, I was a ‘believer’.

Thankfully, God looked past my stubborn arrogance and in spite of me, used every circumstance and his loving kindness to draw me to him. He patiently works in my life to show me his truth instead of my own. He opens my eyes to see his goodness. He shows me how much he loves me and what he has done for us. Until I began to understand this, I was only a ‘believer’ and even the demons believe (Luke 10:17). God wanted to bring me to faith.

There’s a huge difference between faith and belief. Belief is a vague notion surrounded by MY ideas, MY desires and MY needs. Faith is trust… trust that God is wiser than my ideas, knows my desires and will supply all of my needs. Faith in God is much more than believing… it is trusting in him. Belief is something that happens only in my head. Faith happens in my heart. Belief can leave me empty and unchanged. Faith changes my life from the inside out. Lord, build my faith!

Hebrews 4:2
For we also have had the gospel preached to us, just as they did; but the message they heard was of no value to them, because those who heard did not combine it with faith.

Hebrews 11:6
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

Peace in the Madness

A lot has been going on lately… those I love most in the world are suffering and as they suffer, I suffer with them. My heart grieves with them. I find myself weeping at their staggering losses, and while in no way, am I suffering like they are… in a small way, I am right there with them. It’s something that Jesus has done in my heart. Where I used to be able to shut things off and not think about it so much, he has given me a softer heart to pray and grieve right along with these people that I care so much for.

My sister lost her child, my sweet little nephew, in a tragic accident. I have two close friends who have suffered deep and bitter betrayal. One of those friends is struggling with health problems that are overwhelming and she is among many dealing with the hardships of failing health in themselves or their children. One of the sweetest women I know is trusting God through losing control of her body because of MS. Another is watching her sister die of cancer. My children’s grandmother, who was at home and doing great, went in for a lung biopsy and spent the last few days in ICU because the doctor accidentally punctured her lung. My pastor and his wife recently spent the day at Riley in Indianapolis praying for their granddaughter’s life after she had an unexplained seizure. A good friend is recovering from open heart surgery. Many that I love are struggling with job losses or financial trouble. Other friends are separated from their loved ones as they serve our country in foreign lands. These are just the few that come to mind. I could go on and on.

Our household has also been in a kind of stressful season of change. Three of our adult children have moved home in the last six months. One moved back out, but two are still here and while I am always blessed to be near my children, the change in routine and relationships can be very stressful. Joe remarked that we don’t realize how selfish we are until someone else starts wanting or needing to use our ‘stuff’.

Sometimes circumstances and relationships cause difficulties that seem impossible to overcome. My sister is far away, communication has been sporadic and there are times when my natural tendency is to begin to worry about her when I haven’t heard from her. There are people I care about that I have a strained relationship with and no matter how I handle things with them, I tend to feel like I failed in some way. There are others (my children especially) that I get frustrated with because they don’t take our ‘words of wisdom’ to heart and keep heading in a direction that is destructive. Sometimes there is so much pain and heartache around me that I feel helpless.

As these things have been going on, I found myself becoming unsettled. I couldn’t really put my finger on it, but I think I was starting to feel something like a cross between anxiety and despair. That’s a weird combination, but it’s the only way I can describe what I was feeling yesterday. Things just seem to be spiraling out of control around me and there is nothing I can do to change things and anything I try to do to help seems so inadequate. If I kept focusing on those things and myself, I think I would go crazy.

Thankfully, I have a God who doesn’t want me to live like that. Thankfully I have a God who lives in me and speaks to my heart when I don’t know the answers. Thankfully I have a God who IS the answer. As I get quiet and listen to him instead of my worries and fears, peace returns. He speaks to me and I’ll tell you how he did it this time.

As I lay in bed last night with my mind whirling with all these thoughts, I knew I needed to think about Jesus. I stopped thinking about the problems and just thought about him… about what he’s done… how he has made all things new… all things right… no matter what it may look like around me. I began to thank him… to thank him for who his is and what he’s done. My whole mindset was changed because of him.

Later, I picked up a devotional (My Utmost for His Highest) lying beside my bed and read the one for the last two days. The verse for the first day was “As for me, being on the way, the Lord led me…” (Genesis 24:27). As I read through Chambers’ thoughts on the verse, I knew the Lord was speaking to me. The gist of it was this: God leads us. There is no need for pleading or continual asking of which way to go… what to do. He leads as long as we are willing to follow. The only time we should worry about where we are going is if we are being disobedient. It’s easy to see God in the big things, but he is in every detail. We need to be devoted to God instead of being obsessed with what we are doing or where we are going.

The verse for the second day was “Peter… said to Jesus, ‘But Lord, what about this man?” Jesus said to him, ‘…what is that to you? You follow Me’” (John 21:21-22) and here’s my understanding of that with the help of Jesus and Oswald Chambers: God’s plan for others sometimes doesn’t need any help from me. Sometimes I can become a hindrance instead of a help. Sometimes they need to go through things with him and him alone. As long as I am in right relationship with God he will guide me in what to say or do. If I don’t know what to do, maybe I’m supposed to do nothing. I need to trust him to guide me. If he’s not guiding, I need to trust that too.

Do you think God was speaking to me? I’m sure of it. Thank you, Jesus, for bringing peace to my madness… comfort in my sadness… this is our God.

Equations

There are people in my life who view me as the sum total of my weaknesses and failures.

Others will not define me by my mistakes, but will look past those… choosing to see me as I could be or want to be… they’re kind of like Jesus that way.

I will always have both kinds of people in my life, but the real question is: which kind of person do I want to be?



Painting by Monica Stevens. She has 'an abstract painting a day blog' here: http://monicastevens.com/. Check it out!