Faith vs. Belief

Most of the people I know believe in God. There are a few exceptions, but if asked, the majority would say yes, they believe there is a God. For years, I said I ‘believed’, but it didn’t really matter to me. I had no idea what God was like and I honestly didn’t really care. I cried out to him when I was in trouble, but for the most part, beyond that, I didn’t think of him much.

I remember asking him once, if he was real, to please show me. I had some vague general ideas about him, and believed that I was a basically ‘good’ person. I could always find someone who I thought of as ‘worse’ than myself, and I figured if he was going to decide who could get into Heaven and who would be left out, I was a shoe in. I was a severe skeptic when it came to ‘religion’. I believed they were all schemes of man, designed to make money and I didn’t want anything to do with any of it. I supposed there were ‘good’ Catholics, Protestants, Buddhists, Hindu, Muslims, etc. and the ‘good’ ones would go to Heaven. I never really thought through the problems of what I believed. I never really thought through much of anything… but in my mind, I was a ‘believer’.

Thankfully, God looked past my stubborn arrogance and in spite of me, used every circumstance and his loving kindness to draw me to him. He patiently works in my life to show me his truth instead of my own. He opens my eyes to see his goodness. He shows me how much he loves me and what he has done for us. Until I began to understand this, I was only a ‘believer’ and even the demons believe (Luke 10:17). God wanted to bring me to faith.

There’s a huge difference between faith and belief. Belief is a vague notion surrounded by MY ideas, MY desires and MY needs. Faith is trust… trust that God is wiser than my ideas, knows my desires and will supply all of my needs. Faith in God is much more than believing… it is trusting in him. Belief is something that happens only in my head. Faith happens in my heart. Belief can leave me empty and unchanged. Faith changes my life from the inside out. Lord, build my faith!

Hebrews 4:2
For we also have had the gospel preached to us, just as they did; but the message they heard was of no value to them, because those who heard did not combine it with faith.

Hebrews 11:6
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

Peace in the Madness

A lot has been going on lately… those I love most in the world are suffering and as they suffer, I suffer with them. My heart grieves with them. I find myself weeping at their staggering losses, and while in no way, am I suffering like they are… in a small way, I am right there with them. It’s something that Jesus has done in my heart. Where I used to be able to shut things off and not think about it so much, he has given me a softer heart to pray and grieve right along with these people that I care so much for.

My sister lost her child, my sweet little nephew, in a tragic accident. I have two close friends who have suffered deep and bitter betrayal. One of those friends is struggling with health problems that are overwhelming and she is among many dealing with the hardships of failing health in themselves or their children. One of the sweetest women I know is trusting God through losing control of her body because of MS. Another is watching her sister die of cancer. My children’s grandmother, who was at home and doing great, went in for a lung biopsy and spent the last few days in ICU because the doctor accidentally punctured her lung. My pastor and his wife recently spent the day at Riley in Indianapolis praying for their granddaughter’s life after she had an unexplained seizure. A good friend is recovering from open heart surgery. Many that I love are struggling with job losses or financial trouble. Other friends are separated from their loved ones as they serve our country in foreign lands. These are just the few that come to mind. I could go on and on.

Our household has also been in a kind of stressful season of change. Three of our adult children have moved home in the last six months. One moved back out, but two are still here and while I am always blessed to be near my children, the change in routine and relationships can be very stressful. Joe remarked that we don’t realize how selfish we are until someone else starts wanting or needing to use our ‘stuff’.

Sometimes circumstances and relationships cause difficulties that seem impossible to overcome. My sister is far away, communication has been sporadic and there are times when my natural tendency is to begin to worry about her when I haven’t heard from her. There are people I care about that I have a strained relationship with and no matter how I handle things with them, I tend to feel like I failed in some way. There are others (my children especially) that I get frustrated with because they don’t take our ‘words of wisdom’ to heart and keep heading in a direction that is destructive. Sometimes there is so much pain and heartache around me that I feel helpless.

As these things have been going on, I found myself becoming unsettled. I couldn’t really put my finger on it, but I think I was starting to feel something like a cross between anxiety and despair. That’s a weird combination, but it’s the only way I can describe what I was feeling yesterday. Things just seem to be spiraling out of control around me and there is nothing I can do to change things and anything I try to do to help seems so inadequate. If I kept focusing on those things and myself, I think I would go crazy.

Thankfully, I have a God who doesn’t want me to live like that. Thankfully I have a God who lives in me and speaks to my heart when I don’t know the answers. Thankfully I have a God who IS the answer. As I get quiet and listen to him instead of my worries and fears, peace returns. He speaks to me and I’ll tell you how he did it this time.

As I lay in bed last night with my mind whirling with all these thoughts, I knew I needed to think about Jesus. I stopped thinking about the problems and just thought about him… about what he’s done… how he has made all things new… all things right… no matter what it may look like around me. I began to thank him… to thank him for who his is and what he’s done. My whole mindset was changed because of him.

Later, I picked up a devotional (My Utmost for His Highest) lying beside my bed and read the one for the last two days. The verse for the first day was “As for me, being on the way, the Lord led me…” (Genesis 24:27). As I read through Chambers’ thoughts on the verse, I knew the Lord was speaking to me. The gist of it was this: God leads us. There is no need for pleading or continual asking of which way to go… what to do. He leads as long as we are willing to follow. The only time we should worry about where we are going is if we are being disobedient. It’s easy to see God in the big things, but he is in every detail. We need to be devoted to God instead of being obsessed with what we are doing or where we are going.

The verse for the second day was “Peter… said to Jesus, ‘But Lord, what about this man?” Jesus said to him, ‘…what is that to you? You follow Me’” (John 21:21-22) and here’s my understanding of that with the help of Jesus and Oswald Chambers: God’s plan for others sometimes doesn’t need any help from me. Sometimes I can become a hindrance instead of a help. Sometimes they need to go through things with him and him alone. As long as I am in right relationship with God he will guide me in what to say or do. If I don’t know what to do, maybe I’m supposed to do nothing. I need to trust him to guide me. If he’s not guiding, I need to trust that too.

Do you think God was speaking to me? I’m sure of it. Thank you, Jesus, for bringing peace to my madness… comfort in my sadness… this is our God.

Equations

There are people in my life who view me as the sum total of my weaknesses and failures.

Others will not define me by my mistakes, but will look past those… choosing to see me as I could be or want to be… they’re kind of like Jesus that way.

I will always have both kinds of people in my life, but the real question is: which kind of person do I want to be?



Painting by Monica Stevens. She has 'an abstract painting a day blog' here: http://monicastevens.com/. Check it out!

Ministers of Reconciliation

Last Tuesday, we went to a Pastor’s Conference. They are great because you get to hear a lot of different pastors teach, and they were all good. One of them talked about how we are all ministers of reconciliation. I learned a lot and I know it will help me deal with some areas in my own life where reconciliation hasn’t been so great.

The next morning, as I began to review what I learned, I decided I needed a more exact definition of the word ‘reconcile’. I looked it up in Microsoft Word’s thesauruses and it gave me these synonyms: settle, put right, bring together, square, reunite, resolve, merge, patch up.

Then I went to Google (what did I ever do without a computer?):

Webster’s defined it this way:
1. to restore to friendship or harmony
2. to make consistent or congruous
3. to cause to submit to or accept something unpleasant
4. a: to check (a financial account) against another for accuracy b: to account for

Dictionary.com gave me this:
1. to cause (a person) to accept or be resigned to something not desired: He was reconciled to his fate.
2. to win over to friendliness; cause to become amicable: to reconcile hostile persons.
3. to bring into agreement or harmony; make compatible or consistent: to reconcile differing statements; to reconcile accounts.
4. to reconsecrate (a desecrated church, cemetery, etc.).
5. to restore (an excommunicate or penitent) to communion in a church.

Reconcile means to bring together, to restore and make things right, in this context. Next, I asked myself: Am I a minister of reconciliation? Am I willing to do what it takes to be the person who is instrumental in making things right? Sometimes it’s easy… I realize when I’m wrong, admit it to myself and to God and others if I need to, ask for forgiveness, do what I can to make it right and usually it’s a done deal. Sometimes it is more difficult, especially when these efforts don’t seem to work or you don’t even know what you’ve done wrong. If I’ve been hurt it can be even harder. All my messed up feelings and emotions get in the way and my need to be vindicated can keep me stubborn and prideful and then I’m anything but a minister of reconciliation.

What ‘tools’ do we need for reconciliation?

Prayer: I had to put this one in here, because even though I think it’s a given, there may be times that we forget to pray. Not my will but yours Lord… I need to pray it… and mean it.

Forgiveness: This is probably one of the toughest things about reconciliation at times. I need to let go of all the negative feelings that have resulted from my being hurt. I have to remember that I am forgiven and forgive as I have been forgiven.

Humility/Self-Examination: Sometimes it’s hard to admit where I am wrong. What may be even harder is NOT caring about how the other person may be wrong… I can’t change that. I can only be concerned about my part in the whole thing. This can uncover deeper rooted problems in my own heart like pride, bitterness or pain. I have to continually check with God, asking him to show me these things. When I see it, confess it and ask him to help, he will take what he shows me and change it for the better.

Love: The greatest of these is love. Even if I don’t have the ability, Jesus can take my willingness to love and make it into something real. Love covers over all wrongs. I must choose to love.

Grace: I learned, after I became a parent, that I need to give people the benefit of the doubt. I made so many mistakes that hurt my children even though I would never dream of hurting them intentionally. I decided quite a while ago that people are usually just doing the best they can. I can never be sure about their motives or reasons, but I can believe the best. My cousin reminded me of this when she shared something that had been passed on to her. She said “Love believes all things (another translation of I Cor 13). This means that in the absence of evidence to the contrary, if you have 10 possible explanations about why someone does something, and 9 are evil, and one is good, believe the one good thing”. Now that’s good advice. She went on to talk about how we shouldn’t be naïve and allow ourselves to be hurt further, but it’s always good to believe that another’s intentions are somehow good. I’ve found that in most cases they are.

Communication/Trust: At first, I thought if I can’t communicate with someone, for whatever reasons, reconciliation can’t happen. There have been times when it seems like every time I get close to being able to communicate with someone, the circumstances aren’t right. There may be other people around or the timing or occasion makes it very inappropriate. There have been times when I try the direct route and ask, ‘Can we talk?’, and it doesn’t happen. I pray and ask the Lord to help make it happen, and consistently, when I am ready, nothing else is. That’s when I have to wonder if it’s somehow God’s timing. Maybe he is the one keeping me from trying to get to the heart of the matter. Maybe the other person isn’t ready. Maybe he is preparing and making a way, even before I am able to.

How can I communicate with someone if trust isn’t there? There have been times when everything I said was taken wrong or twisted into something I never meant. Then, badly hurt by a person’s judgment and rejection, I am afraid to communicate because of being misunderstood in the past. It’s hard to try to reconcile with someone when you know they may not hear you correctly and you feel like you need a witness to any conversation. Now what? Sometimes it seems hopeless! Here is a verse from 1 Peter that really helps… and this is what I want to try to do. 1 Peter 2:12 Be careful to live properly among your unbelieving neighbors (or anyone!). Then even if they accuse you of doing wrong, they will see your honorable behavior, and they will give honor to God when he judges the world. I know I can trust God through all of it.

Action: I’m finding that if I can’t communicate, action is a great substitute. If I’m willing to ask Jesus ‘What can I do?’, and actually do it, I can’t go wrong. He may put some crazy idea in my head and I have to be ready to do it! Sometimes that crazy 'nice' thing I don't really want to do for someone who has been anything but nice to me can cause everything to work out. I can go ahead and do loving things toward someone even if I can’t communicate with them.

Wait: When I can’t communicate and action doesn’t seem to be making any head way… when I’ve used all these ‘tools’ and nothing seems to happen, what else can I do? Doing all these things may or may not lead to reconciliation between two people, but it will surely leave my heart reconciled to God. Unfortunately, it isn’t always easy. Sometimes there is no answer. That’s when I always assume I need to wait, and waiting can be even harder than doing something.

Faith: I believe it will all work out… no matter how long it takes… I believe it will… because I believe in Jesus!

Jesus is the perfect Minister of Reconciliation. He is the one who restores us and brings us into friendship and harmony with God and with each other. He has reconciled our entire selfish, rebellious race of humanity to himself and to the Father. He was willing to do whatever it took to make reconciliation happen. The King of the Universe came down, took on human skin, limitations and vulnerability, giving up his rights and even his life, so that we could be reconciled to him. Even worse, I believe he bore the consequences, sorrow, pain and grief of our sin. He made a way, where there seemed to be no way. He did whatever it took. Oh Lord, make me like you.


Quilt/collage by Ellen Lindner - Adventure Quilter. Check it out at http://www.adventurequilter.com/

The secret

My friend Jonathan Christopher posted this. 'The secret to being a good writer is the willingness and courage to be a bad writer first.' I think he is a good writer, so, in willingness and courage I post my writing so maybe I can be better. If you haven't read any of his stuff, check him out. He will make you laugh until you cry or spew... or maybe just make you cry. Stuff Christians Like is his website and be warned... it is full of satire so if you're easily offended maybe you shouldn't go.

http://stuffchristianslike.net/

It always comes down to love…

As I go through life, seeking God and doing my best to live for him, I learn so much. I always learn the most from the painful experiences Sometimes I get an image in my mind, about how things should go and then reality comes crashing in. When things don’t go the way I expect them to, for whatever reasons, I am usually hurt. I hoped to be accepted and I was rejected, I wished to be a part of something and I am told not to be… and it is painful. Opportunities come, and I am continually passed over, not chosen to participate in any way, and it makes me feel like something is wrong with me and that hurts.

What does it hurt? Some would say it’s my pride. Some would say be humble. This is what I pray about and strive for… humility. Being hurt, whether it’s my pride or just plain being hurt can cause many different reactions: anger, sorrow, grief, self-pity. I know these reactions are not good, and as soon as I realize it, I try to make the decision to turn those negative reactions into something much more constructive, like forgiveness, joy, hope and assurance. As long as I choose the right thing, and I am willing and ask for help, I know Jesus will help me do the rest. Sometimes it is slow and painful, but it’s better than staying in all that junk.

There are other things that go along with these attempts of mine to correct my bad reactions. There is a burning desire to do what I feel God has called me to do that cannot be quenched. If I can’t do it where I thought I was supposed to, I must wait… or see if God has other avenues for me. When he does, that is a great outlet. It helps me deal with much of the frustration and pain. Waiting is hard. There is also the pain that comes from being rejected and misunderstood. It hurts when it is obvious that someone perceives you as a threat when all you want to do is help. It is even harder when you are treated like and told something is wrong with you, but the other person cannot or will not communicate with you to work through any of it.

These are tough things to deal with and when they happen, I have to remember that Jesus always accepts me… I am never rejected by him… and that is where I find peace. I also know that he can make even these tough things into something good.

As I deal with these issues, I learn so much about how I need to treat others. Every word I say, every choice I make, every time I include or exclude someone, it affects them. We all have this insecurity in us from past rejection. The way we are treated or how we treat others either drives a wedge, compounding the negative effects of being rejected, or heals, drawing us closer because of love. I’m beginning to believe that every weakness or fault we perceive in others somehow comes from a lack of love… and only love can help. Love does not reject. Love is unconditional. If we want to treat others well, it always comes down to love.

In a perfect world, a broken heart is always healed.


1 Corinthians 13
Love
1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Fishing: The Fight

The best part of fishing can be the fight. Unfortunately, it can also be the most frustrating. When all goes well and the fight is vigorous and victorious, landing the fish, everything is great. When it doesn’t go so well, it can be discouraging. Sometimes a fish will make a run, go in a hole, under a rock or into the nearest pile of brush to try to escape, and many times it works. When it does, they get away with their lives… sometimes taking your tackle along with them.

Speaking of a fight, a husband and father with five kids at home, who plays worship for our church, has a full time job and a honey-do list that never ends doesn’t have a lot of spare time. I see him struggle at times between what he wants to do, needs to do, and loves to do, but he’s pretty good at getting his priorities straight and choosing the best thing. There are times in my life when I need some help in this area, especially when it comes to my relationship with God. Although I love God with all my heart, there are times when it’s difficult for me to manage my time with him. Other things I love or need to do sometimes crowd out what should be my number one priority.

I love God’s grace and I continually remind myself to live in it. It’s not like ‘I have to do x, y and z or God won’t have anything to do with me’… but I always see an obvious improvement in my attitude, level of patience, tolerance, etc. when I make him a priority. It makes me wonder why on earth I would rather be anywhere else.

John 15:5 "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Fishing: Passionate Pursuit

My husband’s latest hobby is fishing, and as usual, he has set out to learn everything he can about it. I get to hear about lines, lures, and fishing holes… technique, tackle and tying knots… catfish, crappie and carp. He’s even trying his hand at fly fishing. I go with him a lot, but not nearly as much as he wants me to. I like to fish, but I just don’t have a passion for it like he does… most of the time, I go because I know he wants me to. I always have a great time, but sometimes I just don’t feel like fishing. I think he would fish every day if he could.

There is a big difference in the way we fish. I only go on days that are not too hot or too cold… and forget about fishing in the rain. I fish for a while and if I don’t catch anything right away, I usually give up and start taking pictures, rock hunting or exploring. Joe will go fishing no matter what. He will fish in the heat, cold or the rain. The other day he went when the temperature was around 40 degrees. He said it was the best time to catch walleye. He will stay at it for hours even without a bite. He will continue to change lures or bait until he finally catches something. He rarely comes home empty handed because of his perseverance. Even if he doesn’t catch a thing, he seems satisfied.

I want to live my life for God like Joe fishes. My circumstances should not be the barometer for my level of passion or enthusiasm for him. I want to keep casting my cares on him and learn to be a fisher of men and be content in all circumstances.

1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Matthew 4:19 "Come, follow me," Jesus said, "and I will make you fishers of men."

Philippians 4:11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

The Voice of God, Jesus Loves Me and Other Hocus Pocus

Have you ever heard the voice of God? At first, I had no idea what people were talking about when they said things like “God told me __________ (fill in the blank).” As a matter of fact, I thought they were kind of freaky. So far, I have never literally heard the voice of God. I’ve had no omens, no signs, no big booming voice from above that makes things perfectly clear for me.

In the beginning, I had no idea even how to pray. I would try, but my mind would take off like a runaway train… and that’s not even accurate unless you unhooked each car and sent it down a different track. My attempts to communicate with God were frustrating. I would start out and within moments, I was thinking about what I was going to eat, a bill I needed to pay, laundry that needed to be done, the mold growing on the window sill, or whatever. I spent more time shooting up quick apologies and trying to get myself back on track than I spent praying. It was ridiculous. To tell the truth, I still have trouble with it.

Listening to God was even worse. We’re talking dead silence. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but I couldn’t hear a thing. When I was praying, I would try to be quiet which was nearly impossible. I wouldn’t be saying a word, but my thoughts were out of control… kind of like when I was trying to pray.

I’m thankful for churches and Bible studies, because I learned a lot, and change began in my heart and mind that can only be explained by hearing God’s word. I say this because I was a very stubborn human being and no one could pressure, guilt, coerce or intimidate me into anything. The harder they would try, the more stubborn I would become. I heard preachers who used those techniques in my earliest days and never went back. When I finally found good churches that taught out of the Bible, weird things began to happen to me… things that I thought would never happen.

For example: I started to feel uncomfortable in a bar. If you know me, you also know that I was raised in and around a bar, bars were my main form of entertainment, and I made my living in one for many years. Feeling uncomfortable in one was not something I planned. It just happened… I started to feel like I didn’t belong there. I could go on and on with my list of things that God weeded out of my life, and I know in a way, he was speaking to me, but I really wanted something more… something that other people seemed to have… those freaky people who said things like ‘God spoke to me.’

Like everything else related to God, I seem to be a slow learner. After several years, I learned a way to pray that seemed to work. I would write out my prayers with pen and paper, and somehow, this simple act kept me focused and able to complete thoughts without interruption. I’ve also typed my prayers on the computer, but the pen and paper seems to work best. I’ve gotten better at praying, but sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever be able to ‘pray right’ (if there is such a thing). These days, my communication with God is a weird assortment of approaches, and I realize that I don’t have to be rigid about it… I just need to do it.

Hearing from God was different. When God ‘speaks’ to me, it usually comes to me as an idea… an idea that I am pretty sure did not come from me… like in my last story ‘Stranger than Fiction’. I’m pretty sure giving some stuff that I really wanted, back to someone who didn’t deserve it wasn’t my idea. No.... I have to confess that I am not that sweet, kind, forgiving, unselfish person. The real me wanted to ignore that crazy little idea, keep the loot and run. There are probably more times that I have ignored the ‘Voice of God’ than not. It seems like the more I am around the people, places and word of God, the better I can ‘hear’ him and the more likely I am to listen.

Another thing that freaked me out were people who would talk about Jesus in an almost gushy way… acting (or so I thought) like they had some kind of intimate, loving relationship with him. I thought maybe they were needy and talking about Jesus like that helped them deal with some sort of emotional or psychological trauma. I would kind of roll my eyes and think something like “Fruitcake!” I told you I wasn’t sweet and kind.

For several years everything I knew about God was head knowledge. I went to church weekly and attended many Bible studies. I knew a lot ABOUT God, but I didn’t KNOW God. As I’ve come along the way, crawling, walking, stumbling, falling flat on my face… moving a few steps forward and back, I’ve also become one of those ‘Fruitcakes’. It didn’t happen overnight, but Jesus has made himself real to me in so many ways and brought me through so much trouble, that I can speak of him as if I know him personally… because I do. If you don’t know him that way yet, hang in there… he promises… if you seek you will find… if you knock, the door will be opened.

Some people use the phrase “the blood of Jesus”… and, oh my… the image that used to pop into my head when I heard that phrase was from an old Stephen King horror movie about a high school prank at a prom… terrible. I thought it was creepy and felt very uncomfortable with it even for several years after I started going to church on a regular basis. It wasn’t until a patient, loving woman explained to me that it is the blood that makes all this possible. Without the blood of Jesus we have no friendship with God. I felt better about it but it was several more years before the ‘blood of Jesus’ made sense to me.

I’m always asking why, and God is patient and tolerant. I want to understand and I think about things a lot and I pray and ask God to help me when I don’t. In the last year or so, it occurred to me that we humans are always demanding justice… especially when the wrong has been done to us or someone we love. We want justice, justice, justice… unless it applies to us… then we want mercy, mercy, mercy. We can’t have it both ways. God cannot be good and loving and right and not demand a penalty for evil, hatred and wrong. He cannot be just without justice. Thankfully, he did not draw some kind of crooked line in the sand so that you and I may fall on one side or the other. He gave an ultimatum… all have sinned… a little or a lot… it doesn’t matter. Then he made provision for us because of his love for us. Here it is… your free gift of forgiveness… someone had to pay… and he gave his Son… if you accept the gift, you are forgiven… if not, you stand condemned already. What could be more simple and logical? What could be more just and merciful? Could you come up with a better solution?

Sometimes the things of God seem like hocus pocus, but the truth is simple and powerful.

16"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 18Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son.

Stranger than Fiction

Alex and I went to Hobby Lobby a few weeks ago. We had one of the strangest experiences I think I’ve ever had. I was looking for a ball to sit on an old iron candle stick I had out in the garden. We started in the clearance section because everything was 80% off. As we were browsing we found a few things that we liked and put them in the cart. When I shop at Hobby Lobby, I always put what I like in the cart and then at the end I usually have to go through and decide what I really need or want so I don’t spend too much money. I hadn’t been there in a while, and it is so much fun to go with Alex because we have a blast making fun and cracking jokes about some of the weird stuff we find. We tease each other and say ‘You REALLY need this’ about something totally outrageous, pose with objects, put on masks or whatever. They have some really strange stuff.

There were a lot of aisles on clearance… we must have arrived soon after they lowered the price to 80%. We found an awesome bowl that I actually wanted to buy when it was 50% off, but didn’t. The original price was $49.99 making it now $9.99. I put it in the cart and then saw a plate that I liked that was even less. As we were walking away I had the plate in my hand and a woman came up behind us and said in a very nasty tone ‘That’s mine.’ I said ‘Pardon me?’ and she said ‘this is my set… my cart was here’. There was no cart in sight. The aisle was completely empty the entire time we were there. I told her I got it off the shelf and she turned away and screamed ‘Mom!’ We went around the corner, but we could hear her frantically telling her mother how we had taken part of her set. She was so upset that I walked back around the corner and gave her the plate. She took it and didn’t even say thank you.

I went back around the corner and then we heard her scream out ‘Oh my God! Did she take that too?!!’ Then she came around the corner and looked in our cart at the bowl I had in the cart and went away babbling something like ‘I can’t believe it… she took that too.’ Then she came back with the plate and said ‘I don’t want this! I want that!’ She didn’t even give us a chance to respond, but walked back to her mom yelling ‘I can’t believe it!’ over and over.

By this time I was beginning to get angry and I had to walk away. I thought that I should have never given her the plate and I sure as heck wasn’t going to give her the bowl. As I was walking away, a thought occurred to me: All of a sudden, it was like God was reminding me that this was only a material thing and in the grand scheme of things, it didn’t matter one little bit. I picked up the bowl and went to give it back to her. She was still ranting and pacing up and down the aisle while her mother was standing there like she didn’t know what to do. I handed her mom the bowl and told her that I’m giving it back to her because of Jesus. She looked at me and said very enthusiastically ‘YEAH!’ and that was all. I walked away.

I felt kind of sick inside and so did Alex. We were so distracted by what just happened that we couldn’t really concentrate on what we were looking for. Alex was very upset at the woman’s unreasonable behavior. We got far away from them and rehashed the whole thing and had a good laugh about it. We prayed a quick prayer for her. That and the laugh made us both feel better. I told Alex that if she had calmly come to me and explained what had happened, that I probably wouldn’t have even hesitated to give her the things she said she had picked out. Her manner was rude and she seemed like a spoiled little brat who always got her way. Her calling out to her mom like she would fix it for her only enforced that feeling. She didn’t deserve to have the items… at all. The only way I could rectify the whole thing in my mind is to remember what I have that I don’t deserve… which is everything.

I made enough bad decisions when I was younger to have lost my freedom, health, sanity, children, family and even my life. I don’t know why I didn’t get what I deserved. Instead, I got (and continue to get) the mercy and love of a God who cares more for me than I can even imagine and who has used every terrible thing in my life for my good. I get peace, joy and hope in a world that can seem pretty hopeless at times. I get the opportunity to share that hope with my family and friends and even get to see some of them come to know the pure good that comes from knowing God through Jesus Christ. I get to watch my children survive terrible things that happen to them when all I can do is pray for them. I hear of desperate acts all around me… crimes and even suicides committed by those who have no hope and I can pray for those affected and thank God that I know what true hope is.

We left the incident behind and continued shopping. I didn’t get the bowl or the plate but I did get a reminder… a reminder to have grace for others because of the endless mercy and grace given to me. I wish I could remember that all the time.

John 1:16 And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.

Never Underestimate the Power

Last Sunday, we took off for a kayak trip on the Wildcat Creek, to put in at Burlington and get out at Adam’s Mill. The bank at the put-in was steep and Joe helped get everyone into their kayaks. The river was beautiful… flowing nicely and winding back and forth. The trees arched over the river forming a canopy for most of the way. With bend after bend and as narrow as it was, there were a lot of log jams along the way. If you know anything about kayaking, you know that log jams can be dangerous and are nothing to mess around with. We had thirteen kayaks with us.

We came to a log jam that looked impassable so we all beached on the right side to look for a way to portage the jam. Cheyenne was coming down… and there wasn't much room left for her kayak on the beach. As she came, looking for a place to put ashore, she got caught in the current and was headed sideways for the log jam. Joe went splashing into the water to save her from what could have been a dangerous situation. He grabbed her kayak and sent her back to the beach. Since he was already wet, he decided to stay out in the river to help guide whoever needed it through the opening in the jam.

Sometime during the commotion Jake had gone through the narrow opening in the jam and was already on the other side. Several people got the idea that they would also go through too, and that’s when the trouble began. People were coming at it from all different angles and getting caught in the current. Jina and I got shoved to the far side of the river and had to back paddle upstream to get back across the river. Joe helped Alex through and then Jina and I went through on our own so there would be adults on the other side when the kids came through. Nancy was lined up to go next when all of a sudden Jessica came toward the opening at the same time. Joe lunged toward Jessica as her kayak was heading sideways toward the log jam, worried that hitting the jam might cause her to capsize. The current carried her through, but then Nancy became lodged against the jam. Joe had lost his footing as he lunged for Jessica and was feeling his way toward Nancy when all of a sudden, he fell into a drop off and went down in the river to his neck. The water was over his head and he had his paddle in his hand. It looked like he was in big trouble.

I was already way down the river showing the kids where to beach until everyone was through the jam. I saw what happened and began to paddle like a madwoman back upstream. I made it to the shore just on the other side of the jam. Jina, also down stream a way paddled right up to the jam against the current to help Joe if she could. By this time, Joe had managed to get himself in a position with his body across the logs so he wouldn’t be pulled under. Nancy was still stuck against the jam. Joe helped get Nancy around the jam and decided to hang on the back of her kayak as she paddled to the bank. He got out and probably thanked God… I know I did. Joe gave me a hug and headed back around the jam to help the rest of the kids.

Later, we all discussed how very serious the situation could have been and how very well everything turned out in spite of all our mistakes. At first, when Joe told the story, he told it kind of proudly… as if his own knowledge and ability had saved him from disaster. A few days later, he told me about an eye-opener he had the night before. He was lying in bed wide awake, when all of a sudden, he felt the same downward pull on his legs that he felt after he lost his footing at the log jam. He says it was not a dream or memory, but that the actual feeling came over him again. Joe had actually been thinking of going through the jam like you normally should in most river situations… feet first – downstream – head up and back. He realized that, in the river, when he felt that pull on his legs ‘something changed’. He had no fear or thoughts that he might die and he really didn't have time to think about it, but for some reason he shifted his body position from feet forward to leaning his body forward with his arms out which caused him to splay against the logs that were not visible above the water. If he hadn't done that, things may have come out very differently. Reliving the moment in bed that night convinced Joe that it was God who guided him to do what he needed to do. He now tells a slightly different story.

It’s funny how we like to take credit for so much in our lives. It is so very ‘human’ to think this way. Drawing nearer to God through Christ, we begin to realize that even the breaths we take are given to us. Every moment of the life we live is already known by him from beginning to end. I started to name this story ‘Never Underestimate the Power of the River’, but as you can see… I shortened the title. Never underestimate the power of God… or overestimate our own.

Fruit Salad

I'm volunteering at the local homeless shelter now and I love it. Kiwis (see previous post) fit in very well there. I've met so many wonderful people and they don't seem to have expectations that I'll never be able to meet. It's refreshing... kind of like fruit salad. It's sad sometimes when the world seems less judgmental than the church.